Me: "Here comes the airplane!"
Baby: Opens mouth.
Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
Vote:
Yo mama is so fake even China denied that they made her.
Yo mama is so poor that she washes paper plates.
Chuck Norris can straighten a circle.
Vote:
Chuck Norris was asked if he would be running for President, after a chuckle, he stated, nothing makes him run.
Vote:
After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
Why were so many niggers killed in the Vietnam war?
Because when the sergeant said to "get down", they all got up and started dancing.
Vote:
Friend: Dude, I can't stop dreaming about my crush.
Me: Well imagine this... You're home alone, and your crush comes over to visit.
Friend: Ok I can see it...
Me: She walks into your room and you're just sitting there.
Friend: Uh-huh.. I'm likin' this.
Me: Ok. So she walks in front of you, takes her pants off.
She's not wearing any underwear.. And then she sits on you.
Friend: Oh-ho-hoo.. Whatta' naughty girl.
Me: Yeah, ok. Don't get dirty on me. So she's sitting on you.
And then... she starting shitting in you.
Right then and there, you find out you're a toilet.
Friend: I hate you...
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
Make choking noises...
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.