Signs Your Cop Partner Needs A Vacation: 9. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren. 8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar. 7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot. 6. He talks to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop". 5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat. 4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers. 3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his relationship troubles. 2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel. 1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!
Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element. The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
Blonde: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me." Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a cell phone?" Blonde: "They're too expensive, so I did the next best thing: I put a mailbox in my car." Psychiatrist: "And do you receive any letters?" Blonde: "No, but I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."
„And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?" asks mother. „Come on mom, the most important thing is that I'm healthy!"
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip.
"Is it rape if it's your wife?" "I don't think so." "What a relief! I thought you'd be mad as hell!"
Yo mama's so fat that, after sex I rolled over twice and was still on the bitch!
Q: What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your TV starts to float? A: You turn on the lights and shoot the black people stealing it.
What happened when the blonde tried to give her boyfriend a blow-job while he was driving? They both fell off the motorcycle.
Q: Which is better, being born black or gay? A: Black, because you don't have to tell your parents.