Why did the student eat his homework?
Because his teacher said, it was a peace of cake.
Q: What did the prick say to the balls?
A: You guys hang around here while I go inside!
Comebacks to that all time favorite question "Why Aren't You Married Yet?"
1. You haven't asked yet.
2. I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
3. Because I just love hearing this question.
4. Just lucky, I guess.
5. It gives my mother something to live for.
6. My fiancé is awaiting his/her parole.
7. I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.
8. Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon?
9. I'm waiting until I get to be your age.
10. It didn't seem worth a blood test.
11. I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.
12. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.
13. My co-op board doesn't allow spouses.
14. I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.
15. They just opened a great singles bar on my block.
16. I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.
17. I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals.
18. What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?
19. I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.
20. Why aren't you thin?
21. I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.
22. (Bonus reply for Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.
Guns sleep with a picture of Chuck Norris under their pillows.
Vote:
Chuck Norris won a game of chess with checker pieces.
Vote:
I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the
habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."
"What is she doing?", the pal asks.
"Waiting for me to get home."
Q: Why didn't go Noah fishing?
A: He only had two worms.
At Andersen Air Force Base, Guam, a man in civilian clothes approached an airman and requested a vehicle pass.
The young airman, fresh out of technical training, asked to see his military ID, driver's license and his vehicle registration.
Noticing the letters BG on the man's identification, the new airman asked, "What's BG stand for - Big Guy?"
"No," the man replied, leaning over the counter. "Try Brigadier General."
A pregnant lady learns from her dentist that she needs a root canal.
She says to the dentist, "darn ... I'd just as soon give birth as have a root canal".
The dentist replies, "well, make up your mind so I know what position to put the chair in".
Vote:
What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful?
It's mashing!