Yo' Mama is so ugly, she can only grow hair on her nuts.
Yo' Mama is so fat, politicians fight over redistricting her ass.
Q: What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet?
A: A Lassie who plays brassie!
Q: What would you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A: A snake in the brass.
Q: Which American duo became famous for stealing horses?
A: Bonnie and Clydesdale.
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
Because, if it had 4 doors it would be chicken sedan.
What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant?
Burgers and flies.
Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
Yo momma is so fat, that the last time she farted, a director came up with the movie "Twister".
A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife.
"You just won't believe what happened this evening, in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it."
"Oh yes dear, what happened?"
"I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks."
"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks! What did you do with them?"
"Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."