A big party is being held to honor relational database systems and their impact on modern society. Outside the venue, the host awaits the guests. The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people. Host: Who have you brought along? Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me, and the other to justify the cost. A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people. Host: Who have you bought along? DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialists, and 36 consultants. A third limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own. Host: Why haven't you brought anyone? SQL Server: I didn't bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring the #sqlhelp Twitter hashtag for when the excrement hits the fan. 20 minutes later, up rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess. Host: Where have you been MySQL? MySQL: Sorry, I thought it was February 31st.
My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move. She: "What are you doing?" Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
Yo mama told me that she had some wrinkles in her feet ; I suggested to wear stocking. She said : "Woo it is 50 years that I am wearing pants the chink of her ass hadn't been recovery!"
"For love on the first sight, there's a tremendous medicine!" "What medicine?" "To get another look...!"
Why are guys like microwavable meals? They’re both done in 30 seconds.
"Why cant you play cards in the jungle?" "Because theres to many cheetahs."
Q: What's more offensive than a truck full of dead babies? A: Taking them out with pitchforks.
What do you call a truck full of dildos? Toys for Twats.
Black Jesus turns water into Kool-Aid.
Chuck Norris CAN leave Hotel California.