Yo' Mama is so stupid, she poured a bowl of Cheerios and said, "Look, my alphabet soup spells 'Ooooo.'"
One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said, "It's going to rain." His wife asked, "How do you know?" "Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphone 6 overheating? Downloading images of Candice Swanepoel.
Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? A: Invite an accountant.
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can’t drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off. The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo." The man replies "I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies."
Q: Why did the blonde keep an empty carton of milk in the fridge? A: In case she wanted black coffee.
What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around? Dead Siri-ous.
Played a round of golf with the local course pro for some helpful tips. After playing the first hole I turned to him for some advice and all he said was "loft". So after the next 4 holes I asked him again and all he said was "loft" Now we're done with the round and I asked him why after each hole all he would ever tell me was "loft"? To which the pro relies "loft" - "Lack Of F*cking Talent"
Yo mama so ugly Lady Liberty blew her torch out so she wouldn't have to see her.
Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.