Played a round of golf with the local course pro for some helpful tips.
After playing the first hole I turned to him for some advice and all he said was "loft".
So after the next 4 holes I asked him again and all he said was "loft"
Now we're done with the round and I asked him why after each hole all he would ever tell me was "loft"?
To which the pro relies "loft" - "Lack Of F*cking Talent" 
Change the coffee in the office coffee maker to decaf.
Vote:
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she poured a bowl of Cheerios and said, "Look, my alphabet soup spells 'Ooooo.'"
Yo Momma has so many chins, it looks like she's wearing a fat necklace!
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
Why don't lobsters share?
They re shellfish.
Mission Statement: A long awkward sentence that demonstrates management's inability to think clearly.
Vote:
Yo mama is so fat, it says to be continued, when she gets on a weighing-machine.
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
A fish is to water as Mexican is to lawn mower.