Q: What would you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A: A snake in the brass.
Q: Which American duo became famous for stealing horses?
A: Bonnie and Clydesdale.
What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant?
Burgers and flies.
Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird??
She threw it off a cliff.
Sign seen in a bar:
"Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."
Why is it that when a man talks nasty to a women it’s sexual harassment, but when a women talks nasty to a man it’s £3.99 a minute?
‘If you’re being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.
They’re trained for that.’
Yo momma’s so fat, her belly button doesn’t have lint, it has sweaters.
Yo momma’s so fat, when she auditioned for a part in Indiana Jones she got the part of the big rolling ball.