Chuck Norris is danger's middle name.
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Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
A: From trying to blow out light bulbs.
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Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Para-olympics?
A: Having two legs.
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A Catholic, a Baptist and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families.
"I have four boys and my wife is expecting another," says the Catholic. "One more son, and I'll have a basketball team,"
"That's nothing," says the Baptist. "I have 10 boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more son, and I'll have a football team."
"That's nothing," says the Mormon. "I have 17 wives. One more wife, and I'll have a golf course."
Little Johnny was at school one day when the teacher asked the kids if they could use the word definitely in a sentence.
Well the first little girl raised her hand and said, "Well the trees are definitely green."
The teacher said "No not really because the trees turn yellow red and brown in the fall."
The next little boy raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher said, "No not really because the sky can be all different colors."
From the back of the room little Johnny raised his hand and asked, "Do farts have lumps?"
The teacher said, "No Johnny of course not, that’s silly."
Then Johnny said, "Well then I definitely shit my pants!"
Your beauty is why God invented eyeballs, but your booty is why God invented my balls!
Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
Viagra is like Disneyland; a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
"Why cant you play cards in the jungle?"
"Because theres to many cheetahs."
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up