Chuck Norris' name is never on the guest list - because if Chuck Norris turns up, Chuck Norris gets in.
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Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired?
A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
What do you call an owl magician? HOOOOOdini.
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes.
Yo mama's so fat, when someone drove by her they said "Wow, whales can walk!"
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My mother-in- law is so cross-eyed, that when she cries the tears roll down her back!
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There once was a girl named Suzy Brown
Said no one could lay her down.
Over the hill came Piss Paul Pete,
With forty pounds of swinging meat.
He took her in the long tall grass,
Shoved his dick right up her ass.
Then she blew one gnarly fart,
Blew his ball two feet apart.
Over the hill went Piss Paul Pete,
With forty pounds of shredded meat.
Vote:
A blonde walks into a electronic store and asks the manager, “Can I buy that TV”
“No”
“Why not?”
“Because your a blonde.”
So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair red.
She returned to the electronic store and said, “Can I buy that TV?”
“No”
“Why not?”
“Your a blonde.”
So the blonde goes and shaves her hair off and returns to the electronic store and says, “Can I buy that TV?”
“No”
“Why not?”
“You’re a blonde”
“How can you tell I’m a blonde, I dyed my hair red, then shaved it off!”
“Because that’s not a TV, that’s a microwave!”
Vote:
Q: Whats the definition of vagina?
A: The box a penis comes in.
Q: Why do dogs lick their balls?
A: Because they can.
Q: So why do they stick their noses in women's crotches?
A: Same reason.