What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel? A bit of a shock really.
My friend to me "I don't understand why Chuck Norris is the butt of so many jokes." Me to the friend "Well he does kick a lot of them."
Did you hear about that music composer who commited suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
Never borrow money from optimists – they always expect to get it back.
I walked into the computer repair place with my broken Macintosh computer. I looked at the stack of them on the rack and said, ‘What’s that, Broke Mac Mountain?’
How can you tell she's a macho women? She rolls her own tampons.
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ''Sorry we don't serve food in here''
What went through the fly's mind as he hit the windshield? His Butt!
Bob asks his grandmother: "Granny, tell us, how my sister and me came to life?" "Your sister, Bob, came from heaven and a stork has brought you to us." Bob then, turns to his sister and whispers: "Should we tell her the truth, or should we let her die without knowing…"
“How can I ever thank you?” gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles. “My dear woman,” Darrow replied, “ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question.”