A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," He responded. "Oh, killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell? He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
Chuck Norris doesn't give warnings. He doesn't have to, you should already know.
Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? A: I haven't seen you for a year!
Chuck Norris doesn't blow out brithday candles, they surrender their flames willingly.
Chuck Norris once wrestled an Alligator. He walked away with a new set of luggage.
In 1986 the U.S.S.R. attempted to clone Chuck Norris. The scientists failure was covered up and we now know their attempt as the Chernobyl disaster.
Chuck Norris can punch your thoughts and give you a headache.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Yell at her.
How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable? He tried to stirrup some interest!