‘Doctor, I suffer from premature ejaculation.
Can you help me?!’
‘No, but I can introduce you to a woman with a short attention span!’
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
Vote:
Yo mama so ugly she made santa say ho ho ho.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it.
Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar.
The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically.
"That's amazing," said the bartender.
"Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby.
"Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."
Vote:
With just two toothpicks, a lightbulb, and his RoundHouse Kick, Chuck Norris can override the Pentagon's computer system.
Vote:
Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?
A: He was having a bad hare day!
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
When his hand caught fire.
Teacher: "How much is half of 8?"
Little Johnny: "Up and down or across?"
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Little Johnny: "Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!"
Vote:
One day, Muhammad's wife called him a pedophile.
In response, Muhammad asked his wife, "So, how does a 9-year-old know such a big word like that?"
Vote:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Kenya.
Kenya who?
Keeeenya feeel the loooove tonight?
Vote: