What did Cinderella Dolphin where to the ball? Glass flippers.
A lady went to see a tarot reader woman who'll predict her future: Lady, I'm sorry to inform you that your husband will die in the near future. Don't tell me things that I already know, tell me if there would be an investigation!
What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby? Threesomes.
-How is Ruth? -Not sure. I broke up with her last month. -Oh no. You're so Ruthless. -And how long have you been waiting to use that? -I'd rather not say.
"Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture?" "No." "Did he hurt the cows?" "No, he just grazed them."
Q: What do lipstick and mascara do when they get in a fight? A: They make up.
Q: If Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton participated in a spelling contest, who would win? A: Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that "harass" is one word.
Q: What do Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common? A: They both wipe out klingons.
Q: Why did the referee stop the leper hockey game? A: There was a face-off in the corner.
Q: What do you get if you cross a fridge and a hipster playlist? A: Cool music!