If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating".
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate."
Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."
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Q: What are three things you can't give a black person?
A: A black eye, a fat lip and a job.
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What happens to black people after they die?
Nigger Mortis.
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Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired?
A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
What do you call an owl magician? HOOOOOdini.
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes.
Yo mama's so fat, when someone drove by her they said "Wow, whales can walk!"
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My mother-in- law is so cross-eyed, that when she cries the tears roll down her back!
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Chuck Norris' name is never on the guest list - because if Chuck Norris turns up, Chuck Norris gets in.
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