Religion is a lot more like politics.
The only difference is that with religion you get to confess your own sins.
Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired?
A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
A blonde walks into a electronic store and asks the manager, “Can I buy that TV”
“No”
“Why not?”
“Because your a blonde.”
So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair red.
She returned to the electronic store and said, “Can I buy that TV?”
“No”
“Why not?”
“Your a blonde.”
So the blonde goes and shaves her hair off and returns to the electronic store and says, “Can I buy that TV?”
“No”
“Why not?”
“You’re a blonde”
“How can you tell I’m a blonde, I dyed my hair red, then shaved it off!”
“Because that’s not a TV, that’s a microwave!”
Vote:
Chuck Norris' name is never on the guest list - because if Chuck Norris turns up, Chuck Norris gets in.
Vote:
Q: Whats the definition of vagina?
A: The box a penis comes in.
Wife: "Every sunday you go for fishing, right?"
Husband: "Yeah... Why?"
Wife: "Today the fish came here and told she's pregnant."
Q: Why do dogs lick their balls?
A: Because they can.
Q: So why do they stick their noses in women's crotches?
A: Same reason.
She’s like train tracks – she’s been laid across the country.
A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl.
One day she told him that the next day was her birthday.
He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.
That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.
As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.
The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.
‘Doctor, I suffer from premature ejaculation.
Can you help me?!’
‘No, but I can introduce you to a woman with a short attention span!’