Q: What do u call 1,000 black people on a plane back to Africa? A: A good start.
Q: What's the difference between greeting the Queen of England and greeting Bill Clinton? A: You only have to get down on one knee to greet the queen.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on top of a cliff. A magical bird flies to them and tells them that each one of them can jump off the cliff and wish to be one thing to fly away on. They will become that thing and can escape from their arduous situation. The redhead goes first. She jumps and says "eagle!". She turns into an eagle and flies away. The brunette jumps off and says,"hawk!" she turns into a hawk and flies away. The blonde takes a running start, trips on a rock as she nears the edge. "Oh crap!" she yells.
What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common? They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
Why are women like parking spaces? Because all the best ones are taken... and the rest are handicapped.
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things. I just won the California lottery!" Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
Windows, the world's first commercially successful virus!
A gang of thieves broke into a blood bank last night and stole a hundred pints of blood. Police are still hunting for the clots.
I like my women the same as I like my whiskey ... 20 years old and mixed up with coke !
What has a hundred balls and f*cks old women? Bingo!