What are the most athletic rodents? Track and field mice.
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, "What is that?" "They're smart pills," said the other boy. "Eat them and they'll make you smarter." So he ate them and said, "These taste like crap." "See," said the other boy, "you're getting smarter already."
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating — I call it goofing off ."
Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother? For smoking in bed.
Q: What are the hottest days during summer? A: Sun-days
A length of rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says "get out, we don't serve ropes in here!" The rope goes outside and cuts himself in half and ties his two sections together. Not pleased with his appearance, he takes a comb and combs out his ends. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says "hey, aren't you that rope I just kicked out?" And the rope replied "no, I'm a frayed knot."
Q:Why don't hockey players drink tea? A:Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
Q: What game did the dentist play when she was a child? A: Caps and robbers