In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror.
But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth if you lie, you disappear.
One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror.
The brunette goes first.
"I think I'm the smartest woman on earth."
"POOF!" She disappears.
The redhead goes up to try.
"I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth."
"POOF!" She disappears.
The blonde goes up.
"I think..."
"POOF!"
Your momma is so ugly she made One Direction go another direction.
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
Yo momma so fat, she fell into a black hole and it clogged!
Yo momma is so stupid she stared at an orange juice container for 2 hours because it said concentrate.
A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor.
He asked, "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?"
The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night.
The man then said, "Call for my lawyer."
When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other.
The man then laid back and closed his eyes.
When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind.
The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side.
I just thought I'd check out the same way."
A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid.
It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”
“Really,” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?”
“Twelve thirty.”
Vote:
Q: How many dead babies can you fit in a blender?
A: I don't know, I just like to hear them scream.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Chips.
Vote:
Billionaire Richard Branson has withdrawn from a sponsorship deal of Chesterfield Football Club.
He stated that 'he couldnt have the name VIRGIN on the teams shirts ... when they get fucked every week !'
Joe: What’s the king of all school supplies?
Moe: I don’t know. What?
Joe: The ruler.