Aaron Hernandez goes to prison as a tight end. He'll come out a wide receiver!
Customer: “My youngest son was surfing the web last night and to my shock he was at a British comedy site.” Tech Support: “Yes, what is the problem?” Customer: “The ‘.uk’ at the end — doesn’t that stand for United Kingdom?” Tech Support: “Yes.” Customer: “Just great — I knew it! He’s in trouble now! He was there for almost a half hour! How much does AOL charge for long distance?” Tech Support: “It does not work that way. You can surf anywhere without long distance charges.” Customer: “No, I am sure AOL charges extra. It doesn’t make any sense that they wouldn’t. England is a long way away, they would lose millions not to.” After trying to explain how the web worked, the customer refused to take my word and said she was going to call AOL. A while later she called back. Customer: “Well, AOL said you were correct; no long distance charge for overseas web sites. I do have another question I thought of after I hung up with AOL.” Tech Support: “Yes?” Customer: “Do you think they charge extra for long distance email?” Tech Support: “Trust me — they don’t.” Customer: “Wonderful! My oldest son works in Sweden. He sends us email, but I was always afraid to reply because I didn’t know how much it would cost, so I just called him on the phone. This will save us lots of money! Still if AOL was smart they would charge for this service.”
When you try to change a man, you basically undertake his mother’s role; And she made him eat spinach and study for school...
I don't always go to the gym, but when I do, I make sure Facebook knows about it.
Yo Mama so hairy, when she shaved her legs, your dad thought she got a new carpet.
I'd have a comeback for that, but all my come's backed up in your throat.
What do you call a truck full of dildos? Toys for Twats.
What do you call a mexican rolling in sand? A churro.
Q: Why is it good to have a Jewish car? A: It can stop on a dime, and pick it up for you too!
‘A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.’ Bob Hope