Your mother is so fat, that when she jumped for joy, she got stuck!
A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream. They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?" So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned. "I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts." And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."
There was a boy watching tv with his parents. A sex scene comes on. The boy asks what the people are doing. The mom said "they were just making a cake." The boy goes"oh yea, I saw u and daddy making a cake yesterday and I Licked up all the icing."
Chuck Norris has won tennis match against a wall.
What does a gay man and an ambulance have in common? They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!
The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants; I asked her "Is it thick?" She said "yes dear." Again I asked: "Is it warm?" She replied: "yes honey." Then I asked: "Is it soft?" She said, "yes of course." "It is my shit!" I told her.
Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Para-olympics? A: Having two legs.
Knock-knock. Who's there? To. To who? No, to whom.
Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? A: Because his wife died.