Best jokes ever

The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
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More jokes about: animal, christian, dirty, husband, women
My wife and I had been debating whether it was time to start a family when we saw a couple of cute kids, splashing and giggling in a paddling pool. I looked at her and said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" She smiled and said, "Yes, Gary..." "That settles it, then," I replied. "We can't raise children if we're both paedos."
Vote: has 59.74 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
Why do men like having sex with the lights on? It makes it easier to put a name to the face.
Vote: has 59.71 % from 63 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Why do niggers stink? So blind people can hate them too.
Vote: has 59.63 % from 215 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people
What’s the difference between a sex night with the husband and one with the truelove? About a half an hour...
Vote: has 59.59 % from 99 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, love, sex
Why do guys think more then girls, and why do girls talk more then guys? Because guys have two heads and girls have two sets of lips.
Vote: has 59.51 % from 57 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
An Indian and an African walk into a bar... Just jokin'. It's just two liberal white women.
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More jokes about: bar, democrat, political, racist, white people
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'"
Vote: has 59.49 % from 126 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny
Q: Why was the black baby crying? A: He had diarrhea so he thought he was melting
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More jokes about: black people
Wife:"I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband:"You have perfect eyesight."
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More jokes about: marriage