Scientists called it a big bang, Chuck Norris called it an alarm clock.
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Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
When his hand caught fire.
Whats the difference between Paris Hilton and a bowling ball?
You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
Dad: What is the opposite of ladyfingers?
The family: No idea
Dad: Mentos
Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".
Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
A: Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
What has 4 legs and one arm?
A Doberman in a children’s playground!
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The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage.
She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns.
I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
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This guy said send me a naked pic, so I sent him a picture of my kitty.
She's not wearing any clothes.