-How is Ruth?
-Not sure. I broke up with her last month.
-Oh no. You're so Ruthless.
-And how long have you been waiting to use that?
-I'd rather not say.
Q. Why did Mrs. Smokey the Bear divorce Smokey the Bear?
A. Because every time she got hot, he d beat her with a shovel!
The only time Chuck Norris has ever faced a worthy opponent is when he looked at himself in the mirror.
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What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women.
Q: If Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton participated in a spelling contest, who would win?
A: Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that "harass" is one word.
Q: What do builders use to make websites?
A: Com.crete.
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Q: What do Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common?
A: They both wipe out klingons.
Your mother is so fat, that when she jumped for joy, she got stuck!
Chuck Norris caught all the pokemon with a Nokia 3310.
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