The speed of light was instituted because Chuck Norris didn't want get winded outrunning it.
Chuck Norris hates to sweat.
Why are we so sure that Eve was African?
If she were white, she wouldn't have eaten that apple!
She would say, "Is this organic? What would Oprah do?"
If she had been Asian, she'd have eaten the damn snake!
The Beatles originally sang "All you need is Chuck Norris".
How do you know when a blonde has a brain fart?
Her ears flap.
Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right.
As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faces the opposing lawyers.
‘Both of you have given me a bribe,’ he says.
‘You, Tom, gave me £15,000.
And you, Harry, gave me £10,000.’
The judge reaches into his pocket, pulls out a cheque, and hands it to Tom.
‘I’m returning £5,000, and we’ll now decide this case solely on its merits.’
Q:What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama?
A:Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears and Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.
Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday.
If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
Why did the blonde go to KFC?
She heard she could get a pair of breasts for $1.99.