Yo mama so poor when i went to her house and picked up a paper plate she yelled "Not my good china!"
"My wife and I always compromise, I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me."
Would you like to hear a construction joke?
[Yes]
Well I'm still working on it.
Why did the computer get cold?
Because it forgot to close windows.
I don't understand why everyone hates black people so much.
Black people are great!
Everyone should own one!
Vote:
Q: Why do Jews have so big noses?
A: Because the air is free.
What do u call a Mexican getting baptized?
Bean dip.
An atheist buys an Ancient Roman Catholic lamp at an auction, takes it home, and begins to polish it.
Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, "I'll grant you three wishes, Master."
The atheist says, "I wish I could believe in you."
The genie snaps his fingers, and suddenly the atheist believes in him.
The atheist says, "Wow. I wish all atheists would believe this."
The genie snaps his fingers again, and suddenly atheists all over the world begin to believe in genies.
"What about your third wish?" asks the genie.
"Well," says the atheist, "I wish for a billion dollars."
The genie snaps his fingers for a third time, but nothing happens.
"What's wrong?" asks the atheist.
The genie shrugs and says, "Just because you believe in me, doesn't necessarily mean that I really exist."
Q: Why did the mathbook kill himself?
A: Because nobody understood him.
I just had an argument with a girl I know.
She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut.
So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key.
But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock.
That shut her up.