Chuck Norris doesn't solve math - math solves Chuck Norris.
What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby?
Threesomes.
For his surprise 50th birthday party, Chuck Norris turned up early.
No one surprises Chuck Norris.
Q:What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama?
A:Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears and Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.
Yo mama so ugly it caused Godzilla to go back to the ocean.
A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone.
One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?"
The man shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain.
One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."
Suicide committed Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris solved Unsolved Mysteries.
There's no wine holder on this vacuum cleaner.
It's like it wasn't even designed for women.
How can I be expected to work under these conditions?