There was a couple wanted to go out for dinner for their anniversary but they didn’t make it with the babysitter so they had nowhere to leave their little boy!
After a lot of talk father came up with an idea!
"We will put a vinyl at the pickup deck, something with kid-stories so our little boy will sleep at once and everything will be fine!"
"Ok," said the wife.
So,that is what they did and went out sure for their plan.
After about 2 hours, they arrived back home and listen noise and the boy screaming:
"I waaaant,i waaaant,i waaaaant…"
They run up to boy’s room and saw the little boy hitting the wall and screaming the same words:
"I waaaant!"
They wonder about what happened and then they listened to the pickup:
"Do you want to listen my story? Do you want to listen my story? Do you want to listen my story?"
Vote:
This woman walks into a bar, and she has the hairiest armpits in the history of armpits.
She sits down, raises her arm, and says, "Bartender, I would like a drink."
There's an old drunk sitting next to her.
Slurring, he says, "Barkeep, I would like to buy the ballerina a drink."
She accepts, drinks it, raises her arm again to get the bartender's attention, and orders another.
The old man says, "Barkeep, you just keep giving the ballerina anything she wants."
Finally, the bartender goes over to the drunk and says, "Sir, that's nice of you, but how do you know she's a ballerina?"
The old man answers, "Son, you don't get to be my age without learning that only ballerinas can lift their legs that high."
A guy is going down on a prostitute.
During the process he pulls out a piece of corn.
Mildly disgusted, he tries to forget about it and continues.
Then he finds a chunk of carrot and a pea, and he says, "I think I am going to be sick."
The whore looks up and says, "That's what the last guy said!"
Vote:
There once was a girl named Suzy Brown
Said no one could lay her down.
Over the hill came Piss Paul Pete,
With forty pounds of swinging meat.
He took her in the long tall grass,
Shoved his dick right up her ass.
Then she blew one gnarly fart,
Blew his ball two feet apart.
Over the hill went Piss Paul Pete,
With forty pounds of shredded meat.
Vote:
Q: What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
A: One says "See you later" and the other says "In a while".
A ventriloquist is sitting onstage at a comedy club.
He and his dummy are spurting out really crude blonde jokes, when a blonde lady sitting in the audience stands up.
"I'm so sick of you people who think blondes are stupid. It's because of you that I have had to try harder to prove myself at work and in the community. There are just as many dumb people with red or brown hair. There are just as many smart people with blonde hair."
"Gosh, Miss, I'm terribly sorry. I was just telling jokes, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
"Shut up! I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to that little jerk on your lap!"
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news:
“Honey, we’ve finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979.”
“You mean a brand-new Cadillac?” she asked eagerly.
“No,” said the husband, “a 1979 Cadillac.
Vote:
A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs from her.
When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"
Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but millions volunteered to get rid of anything dark
Vote:
A white man walks into a bar and says to a bartender "Hey nigger. Gimme a beer".
The bartender says "Don't say that to me. What happened if I said something like that to you?".
"The white man says "I don't know lets find out".
They switch places.
The black comes in and said "Hey honkey, gimme a f*ckin' beer".
The white man says "Sorry. We don't serve niggers"