What's gross?
Farting in the bathtub.
What's grosser than that?
Catching the bubbles with your teeth.
Q: What did the blonde say when she was offered a position at the UN?
A: Would that be a "missionary position?"
Chuck Norris once won an underwater breathing contest with a fish.
Q: What did the dentist say to the computer?
A: This won't hurt a byte
What should a rabbit use to keep his fur neat?
A harebrush.
I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.
Chuck Norris was supposed to be in the movie Halloween but the director thought it would be kind of stupid for Michael Meyers to stab himself in fear.
When Bruce Banner's angry he turn into the Hulk.
When the Hulk's angry he turns into Chuck Norris
"Hi! My name is Gertrude," said the lady next to him on the plane.
"It’s so nice to meet you! I’m flying to New York for my grandson’s third birthday. I’m so excited! I remember when he was just a little thumbkin and now he’s already three! It’s really hard to believe. He’s the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen! You know what? Hold on, I think I might have a picture on me. Let me take a look in my purse, yes, here it is, just look at him, isn’t he adorable.
Do you see his dimple on his left cheek? Simply adorable! I could stare at his picture all day. Oh my, and you should hear him on the phone!
He is just the cutest, he says to me in the cutest voice 'Hi Grandma!' It just gets me all teary eyed."
After what seemed like two hours for the poor man sitting next to her, Gertrude seemed to realize that perhaps she was talking a bit too much.
"You know, I feel terrible! Here I am just talking and talking without letting you get in a word edgewise! Tell me.. what do you think about my Grandson!"
What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand?
Cows-mopolitan!