A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words.
"Cold floors," he says.
They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass.
They bring him back in and ask for his two words.
He clears his throats and says, "Bad food."
They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass.
They bring him in for his two words.
"I quit," he says.
"That’s not surprising," the elders say.
"You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."
Yo' Mama is so nasty, she put a cucumber in her panties and pulled out a pickle.
Yo mama's so fat, she walked across the dance-floor...and the band skipped!
Why do polo bears like bald men?
Because they have a great, white, bear place.
Q: Why do pandas like old movies?
A: Because they are black and white.
For our daughters 5th birthday we bought her a rabbit.
We couldn’t help laughing when on the way she announced "the rabbit’s name is Sparingly."
"How do you know?" I asked "look" she responded "it says “feed sparingly 3 times daily."
Lady goes to her doc.
"Doc, I have quite the problem. I can't control my gas. All day long I'm farting and farting. The only good news is they are the 'silent but deadly' type.
The Doc pauses for a moment and replies, "first let's get you fitted for a hearing aid."
All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business travel.
If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites.
Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.
Q: Why did Captain Kirk piss on the roof of the Enterprise?
A: To boldly go where no man has gone before.
Vote:
Patient: "Doctor, I can’t sleep."
Doctor: "Lie at of edge of your bed and you will sleep off."