Best jokes ever

Q: Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married? A: Because they part for every little shit.

Chuck Norris doesn't cry. His eyes sweat.

Two boys have taken part in IQ tests at the well-known psychologist. The first boy has opened the door after 30 minutes of testing and has screamed: "wow, perfect, unbelievable, I have 60 points, I have 60 points!" After another 30 minutes has opened the door the second boy and has screamed: "wow, super, I have 62 points, I have 62 points!" They sat down and asked each other: "and what does it mean, that you have 60 points and I have 62 points? Let us ask the psychologist what does it mean?" The psychologist has said: "the 60 and 62 points means that you are both idiots."

Where was your mom last night? At Chuck Norris' place.

15 years ago I started a burping contest with Chuck Norris... who had the longest? I don't know he is still busy.

Chuck Norris can play volleyball with a bowlingball.

A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers. He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor says, "Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do." "But I don't have the fingers!" "Why didn't you bring the fingers?!" asks the incredulous doctor. "Doc, I couldn't pick them up."

Chuck Norris can turn carbon paper into diamonds.

What did one dairy cow say to another? Got milk?

While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. "If you get your train," I told him, "your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?" The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, I asked, "What else would you like Santa to bring you?" He promptly replied, "Another train."