Yo momma is so old, they use strands of her hair to carbon date dinosaur fossils.
Yo mama so ugly, they use her picture to scare kids straight.
Kim Kardashian use to be 8 feet tall until Chuck Norris uppercut both her feet and that is why her ass is so big.
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Q: What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A: A dino-snore!
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Marge was cheating on her husband with another man when they heard a noise on the stairs.
"Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?"
"Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he's not going to notice you."
Sure enough, Marge's husband crawled into bed, but as he pulled up the covers, he exposed six feet.
"Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!"
"Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again."
The husband got out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. By damn, you're right, dear."
Chuck Norris can drive a solar-powered car at night.
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It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Q:Where do you find giant snails?
A:On the ends of their fingers.
Yo mamma's so fat when she falls off a hill people call avalach.
My mother has painted a picture with such cold colours that if I want to take a look at it closely, I must have an anorak, the gloves, the winter cap and a scarf on, not to freeze.