When Chuck Norris eats teddy grahams, he craps out grizzly bears.
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If you want a list of Chuck Norri's enemies, just check the extinct species list.
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Q: Why did Captain Kirk piss on the roof of the Enterprise?
A: To boldly go where no man has gone before.
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Why are rabbits never gold?
How would you tell them apart from goldfish?
Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
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Q: What's the difference between a brown-noser and a sh*thead?
A: Depth perception.
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The Terminator said, "I'll be back" because he saw Chuck Norris was coming.
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How do you know you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
When the cake jumps out of the girl!
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Cessna pilot: "Tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.
Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!
Do you have the airfield in sight?"
Cessna: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."
Patient: "Doctor, I can’t sleep."
Doctor: "Lie at of edge of your bed and you will sleep off."