When Chuck Norris eats teddy grahams, he craps out grizzly bears.
If you want a list of Chuck Norri's enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Q: Why did Captain Kirk piss on the roof of the Enterprise? A: To boldly go where no man has gone before.
Why are rabbits never gold? How would you tell them apart from goldfish?
Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
Q: What's the difference between a brown-noser and a sh*thead? A: Depth perception.
The Terminator said, "I'll be back" because he saw Chuck Norris was coming.
How do you know you're at a bulimic bachelor party? When the cake jumps out of the girl!
Cessna pilot: "Tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel. Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide! Do you have the airfield in sight?" Cessna: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."
Patient: "Doctor, I can’t sleep." Doctor: "Lie at of edge of your bed and you will sleep off."