Old Farmer Peter was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Peter: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Peter: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
The judge asks the murderer: Why did you kill that old lady? For money.. But you got only 20 cents Yes, but killing five of them would already make a dollar.
When Chuck Norris wants salad, he eats a vegetarian.
Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset? A: He was having a bad hare day!
Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls? They're going to call her Old Spice.
Q:What not to say to the nice policeman? A:I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen? Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he dares his grass to grow.
A man returns home and find his wife with his best friend. He takes out the gun and shoots his friend to death. His wife: "Listen, if you stay in such character, you will lose all your friends."
"My wife and I always compromise, I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me."