Best jokes ever

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks. "I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "About $20." "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again. "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?" "Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.
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has 82.42 % from 275 votes. More jokes about: dirty, money
Chuck Norris can flip a coin and make it land on both sides at the same time.
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has 82.42 % from 125 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets. He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details. Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money? Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games. - Good monkey, it's worth the money. He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant. "What does this monkey know?" "It knows Linux, Unix, Corel and Autocad." "Nice, even I don't know those things." On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$. The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details. "And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?" "I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!"
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has 82.41 % from 313 votes. More jokes about: animal, IT, management, money, programmer
If one drop of semen contains more life than a drop of blood, why don't vampires suck cock? Oh wait... Twilight
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has 82.39 % from 805 votes. More jokes about: dirty, life
Aliens believe in Chuck Norris.
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has 82.39 % from 344 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A couple driving home hit and wounded a skunk on the road. The wife gets out and brings it back to the car. "We need to take it to a vet. Its shivering, it must be cold, what should I do?" she asks. Husband replies "Put it between your legs to keep it warm." "But it stinks!" she exclaims. "So hold its nose!"
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has 82.39 % from 616 votes. More jokes about: dirty
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back
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has 82.38 % from 268 votes. More jokes about: blonde
Teacher: Why are you late? Ramu: Because of the sign. Teacher: What sign? Ramu: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
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has 82.37 % from 973 votes. More jokes about: school, teacher
I was at a magic show, when after one particularly amazing trick, someone screamed out, "wow, how did you do that." I would tell you", answered the magician predictably, "but then I'd have to kill you." After a moments pause the same voice screamed out "can you tell my mother in law?"
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has 82.37 % from 158 votes. More jokes about: death, mother in law
Boy: “Isn’t the principal a dummy!” Girl: “Say, do you know who I am?” Boy: “No.” Girl: “I’m the principal’s daughter.” Boy: “And do you know who I am?” Girl: “No,” Boy: “Thank goodness!”
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has 82.36 % from 560 votes. More jokes about: school
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