Joke #5512

Q: How many blonde jokes are there? A: One. The rest are all true stories.

Why can’t blondes put in light bulbs? They keep breaking them with the hammers.

How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch ’n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis." The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."

A blonde had some goldfish and she did not know how to feed them. So she called her brunette friend, and she showed her how. Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said, "Now, what do I give them to drink?"

Two blondes walk into a building... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

A blonde women is sitting in her garage, alone, with a gun to her head. She is depressed and finally decides that she just can't live anymore. Then, her husband comes home, finds her with the gun and begs her not to do it. "Please, honey, don't do it, i'll do anything you want, but please, don't kill yourself!" he pleads. "Shut up! your next!" the blonde says.

A blonde decides to join the military thinking she can meet a few guys. What is wrong with this joke? 1. This isn't a joke 2. The blonde is thinking

One day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, "Hey, Mommy! Mommy! Today in school we learned to count. The other kids could only count to three but I can count to Ten..... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" The mother responds, "Very good honey." The blonde asks, "Is that because I'm a blonde mommy?" And the mother responds, "Yes dear." Next day the blonde came home and went to her mother and said, "Today in school we learned our ABCs! The other kids could only get to D but I can get to K! .... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K!" The mother says, "Very good honey." The blonde then asked. "Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?" The mother responds, "Yes dear." The third day the blonde come home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy today in school we went swimming! But I was the only one who had breasts. Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?" And the mother responds, "No Honey, it's because you're twenty five."

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the North side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

Me: If a blonde girl and brunette girl jumped off a cliff at the same time, who would hit the ground first? Friend: I don't know, who? Me: The brunnete, the blonde had to ask for directions.