Chuck Norris' snot rocket was used to take men to the moon.
Chuck Norris doesn't battle, he just allows you to lose.
Q: What is the worst thing about a vegetable? A: Spitting them back up in a wheelchair.
A Russian walks into a bar and orders a beer. "That will be one ruble," says the bartender. "One ruble!" the customer protests, "last week it was only fifty kopeks!" "Well," replies the bartender, "it's fifty kopeks for the beer and fifty kopecs for the perestroika." Reluctantly, the customer gives the bartender a ruble, and is surprised when the bartender gives him back fifty kopecs and says, "We are out of beer."
These two drunks walk out of a bar and see a dog across the streets licking its own nuts. First guy says "Man, sure wish I could do that." Second says "I dunno, I think I'd pet him first."
Chuck Norris can facebook through a calculator.
Chuck Norris once broke the land bike speed record with a bike with a lost chain and a missing back wheel.
Chinese and American are in a plane. Suddenly, Chinese puts his shoes off and American is angry. After some time, he goes to buy a coke, but Chinese says that he'll do it. While he's gone, American spits into his shoes. Chinese gets back and American drinks his coke. That repeats a couple of times,and after the flight American admits, "I spitted in your shoes, sorry." Chinese answers, "That's how we do it. We spit in each others shoes, we piss into each others cokes..."
What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day? After a week he was spotless.
Chuck Norris has never won a single fight. Winning would imply some sort of competition or chance that he could loose.