Death once took Chuck Norris.
He regreted it.
Vote:
A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while."
The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words.
"Cold floors," he says.
They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass.
They bring him back in and ask for his two words.
He clears his throats and says, "Bad food."
They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass.
They bring him in for his two words.
"I quit," he says.
"That’s not surprising," the elders say.
"You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."
When Chuck crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
Vote:
Q: How is Yo' Mama like the New York Jets?
A: You give them a quarter, and they'll let you score.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, she can only grow hair on her nuts.
When Chuck Norris drives a Lamborghini, people assume the Llamborghini is compensating for something.
Vote:
Yo' Mama is so poor, she steals her breakfast from backyard bird feeders.
Chuck Norris can pull a hat out of a rabbit.
Vote:
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned: “I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman!”