The Expendables 2 is actually a documentary film showing Chuck Norris killing people.
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Chuck Norris beat Super Mario Galaxie 2 in the big dipper... before Nintendo was invented.
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Chuck Norris got a perfect SAT score by just putting his name on the paper...
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Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse and that is how the giraffe was created.
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Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet?
A: Winnie the Pooh.
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Chuck gives the sun the chills.
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Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby's crib?
A: A snowmobile!
While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not.
I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?"
The blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."
Q: Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?
A: Because then they'd be bay gulls.
Yo mama so ugly when she went outside it was a black out.