Best jokes ever

Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing? A: He didn't have any arms.

Are you a mum? I am not a dad! Maybe you could help me with that!

What do you call an owl magician? HOOOOOdini.

The computer programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball." Son: "Thank you, daddy, but where is the user's guide?"

Even the story of Sir Walter Ralegh confirms that he put his brand new coat over bumps with mud for his wife to cross it. Why? Because he was on sea for 15 months and he desperately wanted to have sex. No normal man that is well in his brains would do this to his expensive coat.

When Teddy Rosavelt said there is nothing to fear but fear itself he obiously hadn't met Chuck Norris.

Your mother is so fat, that when she jumped for joy, she got stuck!

Chuck Norris once went to Stevie Wonders concerts and smiled at him; Stevie Wonder is now blind.

What's the warmest organ in a dead woman's body? My dick.

Man, to friend, ‘A thief has stolen my wife’s credit card. Last month he ran up a bill of over a thousand pounds.’ ‘That’s terrible,’ says the friend. ‘You should report this thief to the police.’ ‘I would,’ says the man. ‘But at the moment he’s spending less than my wife does.’