A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office. He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?" She replied, "I'm having a baby." With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?" She said, "He sure is." Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?" She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby." With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked... "Then why did you eat him?"
Chuck Norris' driver's license simply shows his shoe size.
A man goes to the doctor. "Doctor, that medicine you gave me isn't working. Is there anything else I could try?". "Fill out this tax form," suggests the doctor. "How's that going to help me?", asks the man. "I'm not sure," replies the doctor, "but some of my patients say it gives them relief."
Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
The only mark ever made on Chuck Norris is his birth mark.
Yo mama so ugly when she smiles her face hurts.
Inside a Best Buy store. Customer: "Can you help me? I'm looking for a shredder." Coworker: "We have all types of shredders. What will you be shredding primarily?" Customer: "Collard greens."
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall? Art.
Q: Whats the most popular pick up line in a gay bar? A: "May I push in your stool?"
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."