Chuck Norris once went to practice his golf swing at a driving range... his golf balls are now known as stars!
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Chuck Norris got elected for president, even though he didn't run for anything.
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In high school, Chuck Norris was voted "Most."
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Chuck Norris once soaked his beard in carbonated water.
The result is now sold as Red Bull.
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Chuck Norris can make ice cubes with a microwave.
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A white guy goes into a bar and sees a black bartender.
He says, "yo, nigger, get me a beer!"
The bartender says, "that's very rude. How would you like it if I talked to you like that?"
The white guy says, "let's switch places and see!"
So they switch places.
The bartender says, " yo, cracka, get me a beer!"
The white guy says, "sorry, we don't serve niggers here!"
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
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A woman was standing naked, looking herself at the mirror.
She was not satisfied with what she was looking at and said to her husband: "I feel awful. I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need a compliment right now."
Her husband replied: "Your vision is perfectly nice!"
...and then the fight started.
A diner complained, "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!"
His waiter replied, "That's entirely possible; our cook used to be a tailor."
Yo' Mama is so skanky, she was asked to leave the OTB.