Chuck Norris once broke the law... with his fists.
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Chuck Norris can turn a vegan into a cannibal.
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Chuck Norris once went to practice his golf swing at a driving range... his golf balls are now known as stars!
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Chuck Norris got elected for president, even though he didn't run for anything.
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In high school, Chuck Norris was voted "Most."
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Chuck Norris once soaked his beard in carbonated water.
The result is now sold as Red Bull.
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Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100.
So one says, "Ok, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vodka?."
The other says, "I don't get it, why do we need so much bread?."
Oxygen needs Chuck Norris to survive.
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Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
A wife sending a short message to her husband:
It was just said on the news that they found a hideous corpse with a hollow head, a cigar among ugly rotten teeth and a bottle of liquor in his hand. I'm worried about you!. Please, give me a ring...