Chuck Norris can fire Vince McMahon.
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Cavemen didn't invent fire Chuck Norris mearly clicked his fingers and gave it to them.
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Alien from "A.V.P" is just Chuck Norris' Gecko.
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Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.
When my daughter asked me what to buy her friends for graduation presents.
I suggested morning-after pills and bus passes.
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Toilets are like mothers-in-law:
the farther away the better.
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Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet?
A: Winnie the Pooh.
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Chuck gives the sun the chills.
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Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby's crib?
A: A snowmobile!
While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not.
I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?"
The blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."