The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace.
"For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
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Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.
Toilets are like mothers-in-law:
the farther away the better.
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Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse and that is how the giraffe was created.
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Yo' Mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, the kids yell, "Here comes the school bus."
Chuck Norris does not play computer games, he makes games play computer!
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Chuck Norris is not 70 years old.
At age 60, he began getting younger.
This is why he is actually only 50.
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Q: What is worst than raining black cats and bloodhounds?
A: Hailing taxi cabs!
Ghosts are created when Chuck Norris kills people to fast for the grim reaper to prosses.
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The Expendables 2 is actually a documentary film showing Chuck Norris killing people.
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