Chuck Norris is the only one that can turn lemonade into lemons.
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Chuck Norris can make a snowman with sand.
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A man visits his aunt in the nursing home.
It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts.
"I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!"
"That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."
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Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet?
A: Winnie the Pooh.
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Chuck gives the sun the chills.
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Chuck Norris does not need a remote for his tv for all he needs to do is just stare until it turns on.
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Chuck Norris can fire Vince McMahon.
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Cavemen didn't invent fire Chuck Norris mearly clicked his fingers and gave it to them.
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Alien from "A.V.P" is just Chuck Norris' Gecko.
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Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.