Best jokes ever

Law of employment: When leaving work late, you will mostly go unnoticed. When you leave early, you will meet your boss at the parking lot.
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has 82.12 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: car, life, work
Bob had been listening to his wife practicing her singing. "Honey," he said, "I wish you'd sing the songs about Women's Day." "That's nice of you, Bob," she said. "Why?" "Then I'd only have to hear you once a year!"
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has 82.12 % from 443 votes. More jokes about: mean, music, time, wife, women
If one drop of semen contains more life than a drop of blood, why don't vampires suck cock? Oh wait... Twilight
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has 82.11 % from 816 votes. More jokes about: dirty, life
Husband: Knocks the door at midnight. Wife: Go back where you coming from! Husband: Open the door or I throw myself in the swimming pool! Wife: Go ahead and kill yourself, do you think I care? So the husband stands near the dark part of the gate and waits for 2 minutes, takes a big stone and throws it into the swimming pool. !!!!..Scheweew..!!!! Wife hears and opens the door and runs towards the swimming pool. The husband quickly sneaks into the house then locks the door. Wife: Open the door or I will shout!! Husband: Shout till all the neighbours wakes up and comes here. Tell them where you are coming from by this time of the night with only a panty and a bra!
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has 82.11 % from 400 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, marriage, time, wife
Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is. Her reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question." Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs. Again the mother's reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question." The boy then asks, "Why did daddy leave you?" To this, the mother says, "you shouldn't ask that" and then sends him to his room. On the way to his room, the boy trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out. The boy looks it over and goes back to his mother saying, "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!!!"
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has 82.10 % from 570 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?" One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie." "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
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has 82.10 % from 958 votes. More jokes about: age, money, school, teacher
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the Kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and asked, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny groaned and responded , "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
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has 82.10 % from 473 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
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has 82.10 % from 630 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, technology
Yo Mamas so stupid she was yelling into the mailbox. We ask her whats she doing and she said, she was sending a voice-mail.
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has 82.09 % from 8251 votes. More jokes about: insulting, Yo mama
Little Johnny comes downstairs crying. His mother asked, "What’s the matter now?" "Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer," said little Johnny through his tears. "That’s not so serious," soothed his mother. "I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?" "I did!" sobbed Johnny.
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has 82.08 % from 509 votes. More jokes about: dad, little Johnny
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