I never wanted to believe my brother was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world.
Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber.
“That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son!
May I ask you a question?
Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
After 40 years of hard work, a man retired with $5,000,000.00 which he had gained through courage, diligence, initiative, skill, devotion to duty, thrift, efficiency, shrewd investment.
And the death of an uncle who left him $4,999,999.50.
Yo Momma So Fat The Only Letters She Knows In The Alphabet Are K.F.C!
Yo mamma so ugly even Bob the Builder said, "We cant fix it."
The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again."
"Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."
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Vote:
A man asks a farmer near a field, "Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train."
The farmer says, "Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you'll even catch the 4:11 one."
Q: What do two rednecks say after breaking up?
A: Lets just be cousins.
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