Best jokes ever

John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. “Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks. “Not really,” says Mary. “Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John. “No,” she responds. “What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a, “No thanks.” Frustrated he finally asks, “Well what would you like for your anniversary?” “John, I’d like a divorce,” answers Mary. John thinks for a moment and replies “Sorry dear, I wasn’t planning to spend that much.”
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has 82.04 % from 374 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, car, marriage, money, wife
Q: Why are redneck murders the hardest to solve? A: All the DNA matches and there's no dental records.
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has 82.02 % from 343 votes. More jokes about: death, family, redneck
Wife: Do you want dinner? Husband: Sure, what are my choices? Wife: Yes and no.
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has 82.02 % from 306 votes. More jokes about: marriage
This guy went to school and he asked "May I use the bathroom?" The teacher replied, " no not unless you say your abc's." The guy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher asked "Where's the p? He replied, " running down my leg!"
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has 82.02 % from 483 votes. More jokes about: school, teacher
I can't tell if I'm depressed or just an adult.
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has 82.02 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: age, health, life
Yo momma so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.
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has 82.01 % from 5776 votes. More jokes about: insulting, stupid, Yo mama
A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks. "I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "About $20." "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again. "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?" "Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.
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has 82.01 % from 281 votes. More jokes about: dirty, money
Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water? Ramu: "HIJKLMNO"!! Teacher: What are you talking about? Ramu: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
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has 82.00 % from 422 votes. More jokes about: school, science
At a government affair, the wives of four world leaders are chatting about how people refer to a penis in their countries. The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman, because it stands up when women are entering. The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot, because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the back side. The wife of Chirac says in France you call it a curtain, because it goes down after the act. With great resignation, the wife of Clinton says in the USA you call it a rumor, because it goes from mouth to mouth…
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has 82.00 % from 361 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, dirty, wife, women
There were 11 people – ten men and one woman – hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter. They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn’t, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return. When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.
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has 82.00 % from 318 votes. More jokes about: husband, kids, life, men, women
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