Yo Momma So Fat The Only Letters She Knows In The Alphabet Are K.F.C!
A man asks a farmer near a field, "Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train."
The farmer says, "Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you'll even catch the 4:11 one."
Wife: I want to donate my clothes to people who are starving.
Husband: Anyone who fits into your clothes is surely not starving.
Yo mamma so ugly even Bob the Builder said, "We cant fix it."
A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
One day a man was walking along the beach and found a bottle.
He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it.
A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out.
The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one."
The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to visit Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."
The genie thought for a minute and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved: the pilings needed to hold up the highway, how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "Well, there is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand my girlfriend. What makes her laugh and cry, why is she temperamental, why is she so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes her tick?"
The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"
A student was lucky to find a decent accommodation with a cheap rent. His colleagues came to visit him and he was showing them the house.
"This is the kitchen. This is the bedroom. And this one is the living room ... "
"And what are this hammer and this pot that are hanging on the wall for? What are you going to do with them?" one of his colleagues asked.
"This is a talking clock."
"I have never seen a clock like that. Can you show me how it works?"
"Sure. Look," the student said.
He took the hammer and struck at the pot with all his strength. Then a voice was heard from the other side,
"What you are doing? Are you crazy? It is half past one in the night, you idiot!"
Teacher and her 3 boy students:
Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your bra.”
Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one week.”
Boy 2 laughed…
Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 2: “I saw your bra straps.”
Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one month.”
Teacher bent down to pickup a chalk. Boy 3 started walking out of the class…
Teacher: “Why are you leaving?”
Boy 3: “I think my school days are over.”
Q: Why are all black people fast?
A: The slow ones are in jail.
Two statues, male and female, faced each other in the city park for many years.
An angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."
The statues came to life and smiled at each other.
They ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes.
The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping.
After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.
Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?"
The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"
Giggling, the female statue said, "Sure, but this time, you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head!"