Best jokes ever

Tom and Timothy were in the same regiment in the army. They were inseparable friends and spent their evenings drinking together. After retirement, they went to different states and settled. However, they kept correspondence through letters and e-mails. To keep the memory of their boozing bouts alive, Tom always filled two glasses with rum and water and sipped from each alternately! When somebody asked him why he did so, he explained: "This glass is Timothy's; this one is mine. So I take a sip from each - one on behalf of Timothy, the other for myself." Suddenly one evening Tom was seen with only one glass on his table. He was asked what had happened. He replied, "You see, I have given up drinking but Timothy has written that he has not. So I have put away my glass and drink only on behalf of my friend."
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has 81.91 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, communication, friendship, military, old people
Yo momma so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.
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has 81.90 % from 5701 votes. More jokes about: insulting, stupid, Yo mama
Yo momma’s so ugly, the army doesn’t use guns any more – they use her picture.
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has 81.88 % from 4443 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
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has 81.88 % from 248 votes. More jokes about: life, war, work
Q: What is a difference between Ooooh and Aaaah? A: Only 3 inches.
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has 81.87 % from 455 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, sex
Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris laid an uppercut to a horse.
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has 81.86 % from 598 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It's a candle", he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said. The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates." The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The Irishman replied, "These are Carol's"
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has 81.86 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: death, heaven, life, women
A stranger walks up to an Egyptian man at the Cairo bazaar and offers to sell him contraband Viagra for 100 Egyptian pounds. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." The stranger says, "How about 20?" The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." The stranger says, "How about 10?" The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." The stranger says, "Listen, these pills cost $10 each in the U.S. How can you say they're not worth it?" The Egyptian man says, "Oh, the pills are worth it my wife isn't."
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has 81.85 % from 134 votes. More jokes about: ethnic, medical, money, viagra, wife
A fat lady (To a health expert): "Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness." Health expert: "Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time." Fat lady: "At which particular time?" Health expert: "Whenever anybody asks you to eat."
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has 81.85 % from 134 votes. More jokes about: doctor, fat, health, life
Workplaces are like septic tanks: All the biggest lumps eventually rise to the top.
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has 81.85 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: management, mean, work
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