Joke #4810

A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
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What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life? You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.
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Man: You've brought religion into my life. Woman: Really? How? Man: Until I met you, I didn't believe in Hell.
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Daughter: Mom,does God go to bathroom? Mom: Why? my child.. Daughter: Today in the morning I heard papa said, "Please God let me go to the bathroom..."
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Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL? A: Sir, we were able to save her!
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A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life. That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning. As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet. The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.
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"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
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A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."
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A couple is dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They phone for a cab, turn on a night light, cover their pet parakeet and put the cat out in the back yard. The taxi arrives, and they open the front door to leave. Suddenly the cat they put out scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in there because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes back in. The cat runs upstairs, with the man in hot pursuit. The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away. "Stupid hag was hiding under the bed Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat butt downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!
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Waiter, what is this stuff? That's bean salad sir. I know what it's been, but what is it now?
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You're living, you occupy space, and you have mass. You know what that means? You Matter.
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