Lawyer’s creed – a man is innocent until proven broke.
Yo momma’s so stupid, she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the Ws.
How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? Wave to her.
Evolution ended the day Chuck Norris was born.
A lawyer buys a farm as a weekend retreat. While walking round his new property he looks down and sees that his feet are in the middle of a huge cowpat. The lawyer starts yelling, ‘Oh my God! Help me, help me!’ His wife runs up and asks what’s the matter. The lawyer points to his feet and screams, ‘I’m melting! I’m melting…!’
Chuck Norris doesn't need a GPS: The World orients itself to where he wants to go.
Q: What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet? A: A Lassie who plays brassie!
Chuck Norris made an armless man tap out.
Chuck Norris' sweat is used to disinfect operating rooms.
Wouldn’t it be great if men were made by Kodak! They would automatically shut off when they weren’t being used. You wouldn’t have to wait for them to recharge after each shot. They last longer and come with a warranty. You can try them out first for a two-week trial period and return them if not satisfied with no risks or hassle. They exist to capture the moment, not ruin it. They come in fashion colors. You can keep them in maximum zoom. They come with replaceable or adjustable parts. The parts that count are portable. They don’t mind over-exposure. They respond to the slightest touch. The one you want is available at a KMART near you.