Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.
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What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef Stroke-n-off
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There are 5 birds in a tree.
A hunter shoots 2 of them dead.
How many birds are left?
2 birds.
The other 3 fly away!
How do Chinese people name their kids?
Throw a spoon down the stairs.
CHING CHANG CHONG TING.
Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison?
A: "I feel like a kid again."
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Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours.
Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour.
As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says:
Gorgonzola!
Wait, it is not on yet.
A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?"
The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on.
St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed.
Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off.
The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?"
The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."
Men, don’t buy expensive ‘ribbed’ condoms; buy an ordinary one and slip in a handful of frozen peas.
Why did Hitler go to the eye doctor?
Because he can Nazi.
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Chuck Norris protects his airbag in an accident.
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