Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One bloke says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 95 years old, and she's just 24! What kind of a wedding is that?" The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family." "What do you call it?" "We call it a football wedding." The first asks, "What's a football wedding?" The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"
Yo momma’s so stupid, when I told her it was chilly outside she ran and got a bowl.
Yo' Mama is so stanky, she gets sourdough yeast infections.
Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter? A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
Chuck Norris once planted a box of Cheerios in his yard, the result was a donut tree.
Budgeting: When you work out that the money you owe is exactly the same as the money you spent.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she uses transport trucks as roller skates.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
‘If you’re being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They’re trained for that.’