Best jokes ever

A newly-wed couple didn’t know the difference between putty and Vaseline. A week after the marriage all their windows fell out. Which was the least of their worries.
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Q: What do you call cheese that's not yours? A: Nacho cheese!;)
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Q: What's the slowest thing on 80 wheels? A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
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More jokes about: black humor, funeral
How the children from Chernobil count from one to hundred? On the fingers!
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More jokes about: black humor
Old Farmer Peter was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Peter: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Peter: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
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More jokes about: death, horse, marriage, wife
Old mathematicians never die - they just lose some of their functions.
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Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS? A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
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More jokes about: animal, dirty, health, science, sex
A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old. One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband. It says: "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me. I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up for me." He returns home late that night to find a note from his wife: "You, my dear, are also 60 years old and there are also things I need that you're not giving me. So, I am at the Motel 6 with one of your 20-year-old students. Being a math professor, I'm sure you know that 20 goes into 60 way more than 60 goes into 20. So, don't YOU wait up for ME."
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More jokes about: age, college, marriage, math, wife
A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?" "Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose." "Wow, what does it look like after sex?" "Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"
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Q: What do women, tornadoes and hurricanes have in common? A: They all get the house.
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More jokes about: marriage, weather, women