Chuck Norris' feet are so fast, he can kick you in the past.
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Nuclear weapons were discovered after a failed attempt to harness the power of Chuck Norris.
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Yo mama is so skinny that she eats a nut and thoughts that she’s pregnant...
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator.
However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
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Chuck Norris once shook a pirates hand.
That pirate is now known as Captain Hook
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Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing.
He found her to be possessive and she hated his contractions.
The marriage felt like a sentence.
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Q: How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It's too dark to count.
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A black guy and his black girlfriend are in a car. Who's driving?
"The cop!"
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Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today?
A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.
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A man and wife were making love.
When thay saw there 8 year old son at the door crying the dad started laughing and the boy ran away.
Mom said "You better fix this now."
The dad couldn't find the boy anywhere unwell he hurd a loud noise conning from grandma's room so he opened up the door and there was the boy putting his "wood" to grandma.
The dad screamed "What the fuck."
The boy said "It aims so funny when it's your mom is it."