My wife hates the sight of me when I’m drunk, and I hate the sight of her when I’m sober.
Three blonde men are on one side of a wide river and don't know how to get across. The first man prays to God to make him smart enough to figure out how to cross the river, so God turns him into a brown-haired man and he swims across. The second man prays to God to make him even smarter, so God turns him into a dark-haired man and he builds a boat and rows across. Then the third man prays to God to make him the smartest of all, so God turns him into a woman and she walks across the bridge.
Q: What does XXX stand for in a porno film? A: It's the signature of the three blondes who "act" in it
A blonde walked into a doctor's office with two burnt ears. The doctor asked her, "What happened to your ear?" The blonde replied, "I was ironing and the phone rang, so instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and put it to my ear. Still not satisfied, the doctor asked, "Well, what happened to the other ear?" "The sucker called again!"
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she's as useless as a screen door on a submarine.
A nose walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're already off your face."
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she called the police to report a suspicious looking person lurking in her mirror.
What's three meters high and jumps every ten seconds? A dinosaur with the hiccups.
Yo' mama so poor, she fills her ice trays with toilet water!
Waiter: "I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg." Customer: "Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu card."