Best jokes ever

I have a green nose, three red mouths, and four purple ears. What am I? Ugly!
Vote:
has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, ugly
This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whorehouse with 5$. He buys a the cheapest prostitute named Sandpaper Sally. As they start to have sex, Jim screams, "Ouch! Now I know why they call you Sandpaper Sally!" Sally scoots out of the room. Five minutes later she came back and Jim attempts sex once again. "What the hell happened?" asks Jim, "This is the best sex I''ve ever had!" Sally replies, "Oh, I just picked my scabs."
Vote:
has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, money, sex
A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here’s something for you, Diploma." or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma." and so on. Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?" The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!"
Vote:
has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: kids, school
A Football team was on the field during practice, when to their surprise, a big turkey suddenly walked up to the coach and demanded a tryout. "Are you crazy," hollered the coach, "we don’t give tryouts to turkeys." Before he knew it the turkey started dashing towards the football and made a fantastic catch. "That was amazing," exclaimed the coach. "I have never seen anything like that! How much do you want for a year?" "Don’t worry about money," said the turkey, "let me just ask you something, does the season go past thanksgiving?"
Vote:
has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, football, Thanksgiving
When Chuck Norris put his hand over a magnet, the magnet comes to him out of pure fear.
Vote:
has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Q: What has 2 arms, 3 legs, and 4 feet? A: The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
Vote:
has 49.30 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: black humor, geography, morbid, sport
During vacation my front door's open and I left a note saying "This house is protected by Chuck Norris 3 days a week you guess which 3." All was good.
Vote:
has 49.30 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
There are 5 birds in a tree. A hunter shoots 2 of them dead. How many birds are left? 2 birds. The other 3 fly away!
Vote:
has 49.30 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: men
Q: What happens when you spin an asian man on a swivel chair? A: He gets disoriented!
Vote:
has 49.27 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: asian, racist
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Vote:
has 49.26 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, god, lawyer, teacher
<<<950951952953
More jokes →
Page 950 of 1425.