Q: Who was the best business woman in the Bible? A: Pharoah's daughter – she drew a profit from the rush at the bank.
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little Tommy. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny... Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"
Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs, with a ten inch penis? A: "Partially disabled."
What did the computer do at lunchtime? Had a byte!
Grandmother is so stupid, she’s gone on the pill because she doesn’t want any more grandchildren.
Hey! I don't have a mom, me and my dad share yours.
Some people break the laws of the state, Chuck Norris breaks the laws of physics.
White owl: who who. Black owl: who dat who dat.
Why do white people have pets? Because the aren't allowed black people anymore...
Question: What do you get if you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's witness? Answer: Someone who knocks on your door for no reason at all.