Best jokes ever

Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Vote: has 46.53 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, god, lawyer, teacher
For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”. Here’s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage…
Vote: has 46.53 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours. Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour. As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says: Gorgonzola! Wait, it is not on yet.
Vote: has 46.44 % from 83 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
What do you get when you cross a retard with a gang banger? Someone who spray paints on a chain link fence.
Vote: has 46.43 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people
A medical student is driving home on a narrow country road in the middle of the night after his shift in the hospital. The weather is terrible. It's raining cats and dogs. Suddenly a motorbike is screaming by with very high speed. "Jesus Crhist! What an idiot! He will crash if he doesn't slow down!" A few minutes later he spotted in his headlights on the side of the road the torn up motorbike against a big tree. He stopped and quickly jumped out of his car to see in he can give first aid. But it's to late. The biker is already dead. He looked around if there is anyone around. Nobody to see. The student thouhgt "This is the oppertunity to finally obtain a real human eye!" He always carryrna spoon and a glass eye in his pocket for an opperunity like this. He quickly removes the left eye and places the glass eye in the socket. One quick look around and he jumps in his car and races off. The next morning when he wakes up he turned on the tv and watches the news. It said: "Biker found dead on country road with 2 glass eyes."
Vote: has 46.37 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, hospital, school, time, travel
What's faster than a black guy running with a TV? His brother with the DVD player.
Vote: has 46.37 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist
Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’? A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.
Vote: has 46.37 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, cat
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little Tommy. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny... Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"
Vote: has 46.32 % from 101 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, communication, family, little Johnny, teacher
Q: Why can't gays drive faster than 68mph? A: Because at 69 they blow a rod.
Vote: has 46.29 % from 111 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, gay
What do you do if you see your TV floating? Say " DROP IT NIGGA". What do you do if you see you refridgerator floating? Run because that is one hell of a big black guy!
Vote: has 46.28 % from 54 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, racist, technology