A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy.
A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks.
He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
To give you an idea of the kind of season we've had, the person who handled our side of the scoreboard was sick for three weeks and nobody noticed.
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A mental block.
Some people break the laws of the state, Chuck Norris breaks the laws of physics.
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The world won't end in 2012, it will end when Chuck Norris gets bored of it.
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If you want to commit suicide, all you need to do is say,"Chuck Norris is a loser."
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If Chuck Norris appears in your dream, don't panic, he is only looking for Freddy Krueger.
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Everytime a star explodes, it's because one of Chuck Norris's victims just landed there after being round-house kicked.
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If Chuck Norris ever got caught for speeding, he'd let the cops off with a warning.
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A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital.
After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead.
The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it.
"Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.