Chuck Norris doesn't buy life insurance, life buys Chuck insurance.
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Why was the cannibal looking peeky?
Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
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"Mom, where do tampons go?"
"Where the babies come from, darling."
"In a stork?
I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine's day.
Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning.
Guys, it's these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine.
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Yo mama's so stupid she studied for blood test and failed.
Yo Mama is so fat and ugly she and Godzilla are twins.
What's red and sits in a corner?
A baby playing with a razor blade.
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Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone.
His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
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Q: Why did two women walk into a saloon pointing bananas at people and shouting: "GIVE US YER LOOT!"
A: They were both blonds.
Chuck Norris' Facebook status has a dislike button...nobody clicks it.
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