Best jokes ever

A feminist walks into a bar that has a sign marked: ‘For Men Only.’ ‘I’m sorry, ma’am,’ says the bartender. ‘We only serve men in this place.’ ‘That’s OK,’ she says. ‘I’ll take two of them.’
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More jokes about: alcohol
The manager of the liquor store gets a phone call at 8 pm. "At what time do you open tomorrow?" asked the caller. "At nine," he answered. The phone rings at midnight "What time do you open ... in the morning?" "At nine". The phone rings at 4 in the morning "Whatt tim do ya openn in the mornin?" "I told you before at nine". "Imm just inn aa hury cause i got locked in tha stor las nite."
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More jokes about: alcohol, phone, time
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
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If I wanted to hear from an a**hole I would fart.
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At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians. American : "In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them with the police." Russian : "In Russia we don't require that you dial anything."
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More jokes about: cop, phone, technology
The mouse and the elephant pas together over a bridge, very proud the mouse says: Do you hear how the bridge vibrates under OUR footsteps?
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More jokes about: animal, elephant
Golfer: The doctor says I can't play golf. Caddy: O! So, he too has played with you?
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More jokes about: doctor, golf, sport
When you think that you are looking at Chuck Norris' picture, think again... he's looking at you.
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More jokes about: blonde
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
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More jokes about: money
A doctor is speaking to a patient after an examination, ‘There are two reasons for your poor health, it’s entirely due to drinking and smoking.’ ‘That’s a relief,’ replies the patient. ‘I thought you were going to say it was my fault.’
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More jokes about: alcohol