Why did God give women legs?
So they don't leave a trail like a slug.
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Chuck Norris can eat peanut butter with a straw.
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The only reason world peace doesn't exist is because Chuck Norris doesn't feel like bringing peace to the whole world.
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After Chuck Norris was born, he drove himself back home.
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If Chuck Norris appears in your dream, don't panic, he is only looking for Freddy Krueger.
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Everytime a star explodes, it's because one of Chuck Norris's victims just landed there after being round-house kicked.
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If Chuck Norris ever got caught for speeding, he'd let the cops off with a warning.
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If you want to commit suicide, all you need to do is say,"Chuck Norris is a loser."
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What's green and sits in the corner?
That same baby three weeks later.
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A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital.
After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead.
The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it.
"Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.