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What is the other name for the ‘Intel Inside?' "The warning label." {Intel inside.......fool is outside}.
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Why don't blondes like making Kool-Aid? Because they can't fit eight cups of water in the little packet.
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Two drunks were walking home along the railway tracks. The first drunk says, "There's a hell of a lot of steps here." The second drunk says, "I'll tell you what's worse, this handrail is bloody low down"
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Q: Whats the difference between a box full of dead babies and a cadillac? A: I don't have a cadillac in my garage.
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A Football team was on the field during practice, when to their surprise, a big turkey suddenly walked up to the coach and demanded a tryout. "Are you crazy," hollered the coach, "we don’t give tryouts to turkeys." Before he knew it the turkey started dashing towards the football and made a fantastic catch. "That was amazing," exclaimed the coach. "I have never seen anything like that! How much do you want for a year?" "Don’t worry about money," said the turkey, "let me just ask you something, does the season go past thanksgiving?"
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I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
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A blonde calls a pizza place to have one ordered to her house. They ask her if she wants the pizza cut into 6 or 12 pieces and she says, "Cut it into 6, I could never eat 12 pieces."
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"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl. "Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl. "No." "I'm the principal's daughter." "And do you know who I am?" asked the boy. "No," she replied. "Thank goodness!"
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I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
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Doctor: "Tell your wife not to worry about the slight deafness. It is only an indication of old age." Husband: "Doctor, would you yourself please tell this to her?"
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