Your so poor, I stepped in your house and stepped on a cigarette, and your mom said, "Who turned of the lights".
The Perfect Man At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want,get a TV!"
Yo momma’s so stupid, she ordered her sushi well done.
How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? Wave to her.
A blonde goes to the hospital to give blood and is asked what type she is. She tells them she’s an outgoing cat-lover.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a GPS: The World orients itself to where he wants to go.
Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, "Sorry, no professionals."
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig. The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, “This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!” The farmer looked puzzled and replied, “What’s time to a pig?”
Chuck Norris' sweat is used to disinfect operating rooms.
Yo momma’s so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead, because she wanted to make up her mind.