Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
Chuck Norris only weakness, is weakness, of course!
One roomate said to another, “Man, this morning I woke up with white crud around my mouth!” The other roomate said, “Oh, that's my fault, I guess I missed!”
Two hunters are stalking through the forest when one says to the other that he has to take a dump. "Well, go in the bushes." "What should I use to wipe my ass?" "Use a dollar bill." A few minutes later the hunter steps out of the bushes with s**t all over his hands. "What happened?" asks his friend. "I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used four quarters."
Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet. That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.
Chuck Norris can hear your text messages.
Unicorns are extinct but Chuck Norris used all their horns as toothpicks.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she called the police to report a suspicious looking person lurking in her mirror.
Your mama's so stupid she tripped over a line on a basketball court.