Q: What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler?
A: Michael Phelps can finish a race.
A man walks into a pharmacy and tells the salesgirl that he's looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him to the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?"
"You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, I figure, if I have to roll my own, so does she."
A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space.
"How did you like it?" the mathematician wants to know after the talk.
"My head's spinning," the engineer confesses.
"How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?"
"Well, it's not even difficult.
All I do is visualize the situation in n-dimensional space and then set n = 13."
Chuck Norris lit a match and ended the Cold War.
Vote:
Women are like parking spaces, normally all the good ones are taken.
So, occasionally, when no one's looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one.
Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.
Vote:
A wife returns late at night back home.
"Where have you been?" asks her husband.
"With a friend. But don't worry, there were no men."
One day later the husband returns back home late.
"Don't worry; I was also with a friend. And there were no men either…"
Messing with Chuck Norris is the only thing that will get you disqualified from a Colonial Penn Life Insurance policy - at any age.
Vote:
Chuck Norris is the ultimate hide and seek player; no one dares find him.
Vote:
Chuck Norris ate once at Hard Rock Cafe.
It's now called Shakey's.
Vote: