They once made a "Chuck Norris" brand toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
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Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel!
A blonde buys a used sports car.
However, during the first joy ride, the engine jerks and the car slows to a stop.
The blonde calls a tow truck.
The mechanic sets to work, and 10 minutes later, the car is running again.
"What was the matter?" she asks.
"Simple really, just sh*t in the carburetor" he replies.
Taken aback she asks, "Oh, how many times a week do I have to put that in?"
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Q: What do you call a Republican politician who hasn't been connected to a gay sex scandal?
A: Due.
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Q: When will scientists cure the common cold?
A: Actually, they already did but Republican pharmacists won't dispense it because they mistook it for birth control.
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If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped.
What's a tiger?
A stri-ped.
How do snails get their shells all shiny?
They use snail polish.
Chuck Norris' jokes don't have punchlines.
They have footprints.
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Chuck Norris can walk up a down elavator.
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What does a cannibal eat with cheese?
Pickled organs.
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