Best jokes ever

Companies are working on a camera which has such a fast shutter speed that it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut. Advance Booking open!
Vote:
has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: women, work
Why does ET have such big eyes? He saw the phone bill.
Vote:
has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: money
Chuck Norris Avenged the Avengers.
Vote:
has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Q. Why don't lions eat clowns? A. Because they taste funny.
Vote:
has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal
A blonde is watching a ventriloquist perform at a bar and the ventriloquist, with his dummy, is telling blonde joke after blonde joke, filling the bar with laughter. After several of these jokes, the blonde stands up, infuriated, and yells, "Listen here, jack*ss. Not all blondes are stupid and the jokes need to stop, it is a very cheap way to get laughs." Stunned, the ventriloquist timidly begins to apologize, "Ma'am, I am so sorry. I had no idea I was offending anyone." The blonde replies, "Stay out of this, sir. I'm talking to that little sh*t on your knee!"
Vote:
has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: bar, blonde, stupid
One day Stan comes home from a hard day at work. He sees his wife bending down to clean the floor under the sofa. So Stan goes over to his wife and starts fucking her from behind. After he finishes, he gives her a hard smack to the head. His wife yells, ''What was that for!?'' To which Stan replies, ''That's for not checking to see who it was.''
Vote:
has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: sport
At a restaurant, one of the customers notices that all of the waiters have two spoons in their vest pockets. A waiter explains, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware is spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement." Then the customer notices a string hanging out of all the waiters' flies. "The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explains the waiter. "That way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims straight, and we don't need to use our hands." The customer asks, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?" The waiter replies, "Well, that's another reason we carry the spoons."
Vote:
has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, food
Q: What do u call a police officer that works in bed? A: A undercover cop.
Vote:
has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: cop, work
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: “Honey, we’ve finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979.” “You mean a brand-new Cadillac?” she asked eagerly. “No,” said the husband, “a 1979 Cadillac.
Vote:
has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: car, husband, old people, wife
Q: Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow? A: So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.
Vote:
has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, women
<<<99899910001001
More jokes →
Page 998 of 1391.