The best accountant jokes

Q: If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say? A: "Darling, could you tell me about your work."
Vote: has 75.97 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
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A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his former accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer. The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you." The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damn money is!" The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is. The accountant signs back, "I don’t know what you are talking about." The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn’t know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where my damn money is!" The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!" The accountant signs back, "OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!" The Godfather says, "Well... what did he say?" The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says…go to hell... that you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger."
Vote: has 75.60 % from 54 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, lawyer, money
An accountant dies and goes to heaven (no, that's not the joke). St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions. "What sort of accountant were you?" "Oh, I was a CPA", was the reply. "Name?" asks St. Pete. The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file. "Oh yes, we've been expecting you. You've reached your allotted time span." The accountant says, "I don't get it. How can that be? I'm only 48 years old." Pete looks again at the file and says, "Well, that's impossible." "Why do you say that?" asks the accountant. "Well," says St. Peter, "we've been looking over your time sheets and the hours you've charged your clients. By our reckoning, you must be at least 93 years old!"
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, age, death, heaven, time
The clerk walks into the boss's office and says, "The auditors have just left, sir." "Have they finished checking the books?", asks the boss. "Very thoroughly," is the reply. "Well, what did they say", says the boss. "They want 15% to keep quiet."
Vote: has 75.00 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, management, money
Q: How do you know you've got a good tax accountant? A: He's had a loophole named after him.
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, money, tax
Q: What is the definition of "accountant"? A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
Vote: has 74.94 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, money, work
The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for. "Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." "Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometers, say a Mercedes convertible." The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited. "Wow. Are you kidding?" "Yeah. But you started it."
Vote: has 74.14 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, graduation, mean, money, work
Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? A: The accountant knows he's boring.
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
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"The auditors have just left, sir." "Did they check the books?" "Very thoroughly." "What did they say?" "They want 15% to keep quiet."
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, business, money
Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant? She charges an arm and a leg.
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, money, tax