The best accountant jokes

An accountant and a lawyer were laying on a beach in Hawaii sipping mai tai's. The lawyer started telling the accountant how he came to be there. "I had this downtown property in Memphis that caught fire and after the insurance paid off, I came here." The accountant said, "I had a downtown property, too, in Miami. It got flooded so here I am with the insurance proceeds." The lawyer took another sip of his mai tai, and then asked in a puzzled voice, "How do you start a flood?"
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has 76.96 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: accountant, geography, lawyer
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
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has 76.68 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, tax, work
A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his former accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer. The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you." The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damn money is!" The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is. The accountant signs back, "I don’t know what you are talking about." The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn’t know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where my damn money is!" The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!" The accountant signs back, "OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!" The Godfather says, "Well... what did he say?" The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says…go to hell... that you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger."
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has 76.32 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: accountant, lawyer, money
An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn't prove it. He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin. Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load. On every occasion, there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip. On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath. Nothing. He could never find anything amiss. After a few months of this, the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned. A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in. On an impulse, the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, I've left the company, I'm not interested in taking it any further and I won't stop you, but I just have to know. What were you taking?" And the bloke said "Tarpaulins."
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has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: accountant, communication, mean, time, work
Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
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has 75.77 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: accountant, animal, kids, tax
An economist is someone who didn't have enough personality to become an accountant.
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has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: accountant, work
Q: What's an actuary? A: An accountant without the sense of humor.
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has 75.00 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: accountant
Q: What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? A: Lost.
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has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: accountant, IT, technology, work
Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant? She charges an arm and a leg.
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, tax
Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? A: The accountant knows he's boring.
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: accountant, lawyer