An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels.
He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn't prove it.
He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin.
Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load.
On every occasion, there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip.
On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath.
Nothing.
He could never find anything amiss.
After a few months of this, the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned.
A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in. On an impulse, the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, I've left the company, I'm not interested in taking it any further and I won't stop you, but I just have to know. What were you taking?"
And the bloke said "Tarpaulins."
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An economist is someone who didn't have enough personality to become an accountant.
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"The auditors have just left, sir."
"Did they check the books?"
"Very thoroughly."
"What did they say?"
"They want 15% to keep quiet."
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Q: How do tax accountants make a bold fashion statement?
A: Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.
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Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
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Q: How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft?
A: When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.
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A mugger stops a guy on the street at gunpoint.
"Give me all your money", he says.
The muggee isindignant.
"You can't do this," he yells. "I'm anIRS agent."
"In that case," says the mugger, "give me all MY money."
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What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.
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Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
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Q: How do you know you've got a good tax accountant?
A: He's had a loophole named after him.
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