"The auditors have just left, sir."
"Did they check the books?"
"Very thoroughly."
"What did they say?"
"They want 15% to keep quiet."
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Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
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Q: How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft?
A: When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.
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The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job.
The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for.
"Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
"Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometers, say a Mercedes convertible."
The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited.
"Wow. Are you kidding?"
"Yeah. But you started it."
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A mugger stops a guy on the street at gunpoint.
"Give me all your money", he says.
The muggee isindignant.
"You can't do this," he yells. "I'm anIRS agent."
"In that case," says the mugger, "give me all MY money."
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A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald.
He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"How do you mean?" says the accountant.
"I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters."
"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"
"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner.
"Seventy-five thousand dollars. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?"
"That," says the man, "is your first worry."
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What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.
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Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
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Four Laws of Accounting:
1. Trial balances don't.
2. Bank reconciliations never do.
3. Working capital does not.
4. Return on investments never will.
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What does CPA stand for?
Can't Pass Again.
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