The best accountant jokes

Q: How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? A: When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.
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has 73.89 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: accountant, management, money
A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me." "How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters." "OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?" "You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner. "Seventy-five thousand dollars. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?" "That," says the man, "is your first worry."
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has 73.68 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: accountant, business, graduation, money, work
A mugger stops a guy on the street at gunpoint. "Give me all your money", he says. The muggee isindignant. "You can't do this," he yells. "I'm anIRS agent." "In that case," says the mugger, "give me all MY money."
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, work
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.
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has 72.77 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: accountant, math
An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn't prove it. He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin. Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load. On every occasion, there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip. On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath. Nothing. He could never find anything amiss. After a few months of this, the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned. A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in. On an impulse, the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, I've left the company, I'm not interested in taking it any further and I won't stop you, but I just have to know. What were you taking?" And the bloke said "Tarpaulins."
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: accountant, communication, mean, time, work
Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant? A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
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has 71.85 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: accountant, life
Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? A: The accountant knows he's boring.
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: accountant, lawyer
An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him. "Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: accountant, doctor, geography, mean
Four Laws of Accounting: 1. Trial balances don't. 2. Bank reconciliations never do. 3. Working capital does not. 4. Return on investments never will.
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, work
What does CPA stand for? Can't Pass Again.
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: accountant