An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him. "Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."
Q: How do tax accountants make a bold fashion statement? A: Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.
It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.
Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant? She charges an arm and a leg.
Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
Four Laws of Accounting: 1. Trial balances don't. 2. Bank reconciliations never do. 3. Working capital does not. 4. Return on investments never will.
Q: What is the definition of an extroverted tax accountant? A: Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you.
Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.