Q: When do accountants laugh out loud? A: When somebody asks for a raise.
It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant. His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?" The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for."
A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, "I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We're here to destroy your civilization, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?" The owner replies, "I don't have an opinion. I'm a chartered accountant."
A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant. The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions. "Was he tall or was he short?" The businessman replies, "Both!"
How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.
How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value.
Q: What is the definition of an extroverted tax accountant? A: Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you.
Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: What sort of answer did you have in mind? A: None - just assume it's changed.
Q: How do you know you've got a good tax accountant? A: He's had a loophole named after him.