The best accountant jokes

A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, "I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We're here to destroy your civilization, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?" The owner replies, "I don't have an opinion. I'm a chartered accountant."
Vote:
has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: accountant, death, travel
It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
Vote:
has 67.89 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: accountant, Halloween, kids, mean, men
How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.
Vote:
has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, tax
Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: What sort of answer did you have in mind? A: None - just assume it's changed.
Vote:
has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: accountant, light bulb, work
Q: How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: Hmmm... I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you.
Vote:
has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: accountant, light bulb, math, work
Q: How do you know you've got a good tax accountant? A: He's had a loophole named after him.
Vote:
has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, tax
Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.
Vote:
has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: accountant, life, money, tax
Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? A: Lazy.
Vote:
has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, office, time, work
An accountant is walking along the beach (also, not the joke) and he finds an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it and of course, a genie appears. The genie says "I am the most powerful genie that has ever lived. I can do great and wonderful things and I can grant you your dearest wish. But only one." Well, this accountant is a deeply caring individual. He pulls out a map of the Mediterranean area and says, "My dearest wish is that you solve the Arab-Israeli conflict in the Middle East." The genie strokes his beard and looks worried. "Oh dear, " he says , staring at the map. "That's a tough one. Those people have been fighting for eons. No one has been able to come up with a successful solution. I'm not sure if I could do any better. You should probably make another wish." The accountant is understanding and says, "All right. Listen, the IRS has asked me to re-design their 1040 form so that everyone can understand it. Can you help me with that?" There's a long silence and finally the genie says, "Let's have another look at that map."
Vote:
has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: accountant, genie, war, work
Q: What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? A: Lost.
Vote:
has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: accountant, IT, technology, work