The best accountant jokes

Q: How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: Hmmm... I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you.
Vote:
has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: accountant, light bulb, math, work
An accountant is walking along the beach (also, not the joke) and he finds an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it and of course, a genie appears. The genie says "I am the most powerful genie that has ever lived. I can do great and wonderful things and I can grant you your dearest wish. But only one." Well, this accountant is a deeply caring individual. He pulls out a map of the Mediterranean area and says, "My dearest wish is that you solve the Arab-Israeli conflict in the Middle East." The genie strokes his beard and looks worried. "Oh dear, " he says , staring at the map. "That's a tough one. Those people have been fighting for eons. No one has been able to come up with a successful solution. I'm not sure if I could do any better. You should probably make another wish." The accountant is understanding and says, "All right. Listen, the IRS has asked me to re-design their 1040 form so that everyone can understand it. Can you help me with that?" There's a long silence and finally the genie says, "Let's have another look at that map."
Vote:
has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: accountant, genie, war, work
A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, "I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We're here to destroy your civilization, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?" The owner replies, "I don't have an opinion. I'm a chartered accountant."
Vote:
has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: accountant, death, travel
Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: What sort of answer did you have in mind? A: None - just assume it's changed.
Vote:
has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: accountant, light bulb, work
Q: How do you know you've got a good tax accountant? A: He's had a loophole named after him.
Vote:
has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, tax
Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.
Vote:
has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: accountant, life, money, tax
Q: What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? A: Lost.
Vote:
has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: accountant, IT, technology, work
Q: And the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion? A: Jail.
Vote:
has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: accountant, prison, tax
An American goes to the train station so he can start his big trip. He notices there a machine with the indication: "Put A Dollar in the Slot and the Machine will Tell you who you are!" Curious, he puts the dollar inside the slot and he waits. The machine suddenly sounds; "You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago." The man blacked out with the machine's ability. So, he decided to trick the machine. He wore a fake mustache and putted another dollar inside the slot. "You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago," says the machine. "But it's impossible!" screamed the man, acquiring a maniac need to trick the machine. He ran to the toilet and disguised as an Arab. Then, he did the same routine. "You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago." Furious then, he disguises as a woman and puts the dollar as usual in the slot. -You're John Bull, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall, 90 kilos and with your bullshits you.. lost the train!
Vote:
has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, travel
Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant? She charges an arm and a leg.
Vote:
has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, tax