A businessman was interviewing job applications for the position of manager of a large division. He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate. He simply asked each applicant this question, "What is two plus two?" The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was, "Twenty-two". The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm very glad that we had the opportunity to discuss it." The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and came up with an answer "somewhere between 3.999 and 4.001." Next came an attorney. He stated that "in the case of Jenkins vs. the Department of the Treasury, two plus two was proven to be four." Finally, the businessman interviewed an accountant. When he asked him what two plus two was, the accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it, came back and sat down. Leaning across the desk, he said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?" He got the job.
Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant? She charges an arm and a leg.
Q: How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? A: When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.
Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant? A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value.
Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? A: The accountant knows he's boring.
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.
How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.
A wife to her husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."