The best accountant jokes

A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, "I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We're here to destroy your civilization, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?" The owner replies, "I don't have an opinion. I'm a chartered accountant."
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: accountant, death, travel
Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: accountant, life, money, tax
Four Laws of Accounting: 1. Trial balances don't. 2. Bank reconciliations never do. 3. Working capital does not. 4. Return on investments never will.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, work
Q: Who makes the best detective - Sherlock Holmes or a tax accountant? A: The tax accountant - she make's more deductions.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: accountant, tax, work
Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? A: Lazy.
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, office, time, work
Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: accountant, work
A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant. The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions. "Was he tall or was he short?" The businessman replies, "Both!"
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: accountant, business, communication
How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, Santa
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant. His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?" The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for."
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: accountant, business, time, work
Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
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has 64.52 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: accountant, math, nerd
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