Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
Some American academics, discussing the Six Day War with an Israeli general, were eager to know how it had ended so quickly. The general told them, "We had a crack regiment at the most sensitive front. It was made entirely of lawyers and accountants. When the time came to charge - boy, did they know how to charge!"
How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value.
Q: How do tax accountants make a bold fashion statement? A: Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.
Q: What do you call a group financial controller who's lost his job? A: Bob.
Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant? A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.
A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant. The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions. "Was he tall or was he short?" The businessman replies, "Both!"
Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? A: Invite an accountant.
Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA? A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.
Q: What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance? A: A late night.