Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant? A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.
Q: How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: Hmmm... I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you.
Q: What do you call a group financial controller who's lost his job? A: Bob.
Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA? A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.
Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? A: Invite an accountant.
Some American academics, discussing the Six Day War with an Israeli general, were eager to know how it had ended so quickly. The general told them, "We had a crack regiment at the most sensitive front. It was made entirely of lawyers and accountants. When the time came to charge - boy, did they know how to charge!"
Q: What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance? A: A late night.
It's 4:04. Do you know where your auditor is?
A wife to her husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."