How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value.
An American goes to the train station so he can start his big trip. He notices there a machine with the indication: "Put A Dollar in the Slot and the Machine will Tell you who you are!" Curious, he puts the dollar inside the slot and he waits. The machine suddenly sounds; "You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago." The man blacked out with the machine's ability. So, he decided to trick the machine. He wore a fake mustache and putted another dollar inside the slot. "You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago," says the machine. "But it's impossible!" screamed the man, acquiring a maniac need to trick the machine. He ran to the toilet and disguised as an Arab. Then, he did the same routine. "You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago." Furious then, he disguises as a woman and puts the dollar as usual in the slot. -You're John Bull, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall, 90 kilos and with your bullshits you.. lost the train!
Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant? A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.
Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
Q: How do tax accountants make a bold fashion statement? A: Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.
Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA? A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.
Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? A: Invite an accountant.
Q: What do you call a group financial controller who's lost his job? A: Bob.
A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant. The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions. "Was he tall or was he short?" The businessman replies, "Both!"
Q: What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance? A: A late night.