Q: And the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion? A: Jail.
Q: Who was the first accountant? A: Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.
Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant? A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.
Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
Q: How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: Hmmm... I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you.
Q: What do you call a group financial controller who's lost his job? A: Bob.
Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? A: Invite an accountant.
Q: What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance? A: A late night.
Some American academics, discussing the Six Day War with an Israeli general, were eager to know how it had ended so quickly. The general told them, "We had a crack regiment at the most sensitive front. It was made entirely of lawyers and accountants. When the time came to charge - boy, did they know how to charge!"
Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA? A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.