Q: Who was the first accountant? A: Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.
Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls.
A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant. The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions. "Was he tall or was he short?" The businessman replies, "Both!"
Q: How do tax accountants make a bold fashion statement? A: Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.
Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
Q: What do you call a group financial controller who's lost his job? A: Bob.
Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant? A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.
Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? A: Invite an accountant.
Q: What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance? A: A late night.
Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA? A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.