Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls.
Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value.
Q: How do tax accountants make a bold fashion statement? A: Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.
Q: What do you call a group financial controller who's lost his job? A: Bob.
Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant? A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.
A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant. The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions. "Was he tall or was he short?" The businessman replies, "Both!"
Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? A: Invite an accountant.
Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA? A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.
Q: What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance? A: A late night.