There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.
Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant? A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.
An old man was accounting manager in a company. Every day when he was coming to office, at his desk, he was opening the drawer, seeing something in it very carefully, then he was closing the drawer back. After twenty years of work at the same position, one day he died. After his funeral, his colleagues came to his office to check out what was in his drawer, they opened the drawer, in a piece of paper very bold it was written "Debit Left, Credit Right"
Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
Q: How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: Hmmm... I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you.
Q: What do you call a group financial controller who's lost his job? A: Bob.
Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? A: Invite an accountant.
Some American academics, discussing the Six Day War with an Israeli general, were eager to know how it had ended so quickly. The general told them, "We had a crack regiment at the most sensitive front. It was made entirely of lawyers and accountants. When the time came to charge - boy, did they know how to charge!"
Q: What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance? A: A late night.
Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA? A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.