The best age jokes

Your mama so old she was friends with Cleopatra.
Vote: has 63.51 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, friendship, Yo mama
Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white male and resident of Wimbledon UK, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday. Bloggs will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that after a night of drinking, as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail. Bloggs went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, poked a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Bloggs apparently failed to notice the Wimbledon Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer B.T. approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said Officer BT. "I walked up to (Bloggs) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin". BT went on to describe what happened when she approached Bloggs: "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me, sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised as you'd expect and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?'"
Vote: has 63.35 % from 73 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, cop, dirty, sport, time
Friendly reminder that Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age, yet one is pregnant and another stuck in middle school.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, celebrity, kids, life, music
Yo mama is so old that when she breastfeeds it's just powder.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, food
COP: "When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least." LADY: "You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old.”
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, cop, driving
A huge airplane, full of passengers, had just taken off when a 5 year-old bad behaved boy created havoc with yelling and crying out loud. Despite his mother's efforts, the boy could calm down. The passengers, obviously frustrated, gossip about it and some mentioned Herod way for salvation, but they still manage to get through the torture by staying calm and noble. The boy though, had no plans on ease up with his attitude. In fact, he gets worse. Starts screaming, swearing and spitting all around the plane. People got desperate. Suddenly, an old man stands up and walks towards to the little boy with a slow but majestic walk. He was wearing an air force general costume with badges and medals all over his suit jacket. He nudges to the mother so she can stop trying all of her hopeless efforts to quite the boy and then, kindly bends over and whispers something to the boy's ear. The child, immediately stops, takes his seat and fastens his seatbelt. The man went back to his seat with the same confidence, while the whole plane admired his achievement. "Excuse me Mr. General, but what did you say to that child and made him quite?" a lady wondered. "I showed him my medals, ma'am, and told him that I've won them on the battlefield and that those medals give me the right to through a passenger off the plane on any flight I feel like, only once a year and then I mentioned that this year... I haven't picked one yet..."
Vote: has 62.88 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, airplane, kids, old people
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip.
Vote: has 62.78 % from 126 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, masturbation, sex
A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked. "First I’d have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged. The woman took a deep breath. "He’s very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well…" "Oh, I see," the psychologist said, "It’s YOUR child!"
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, birthday, kids
For his surprise 50th birthday party, Chuck Norris turned up early. No one surprises Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, birthday, Chuck Norris
Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
Vote: has 62.50 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, dirty, flirt, money, sex