The best airplane jokes

A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord and nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells, "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
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has 62.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: airplane, blonde
The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately. "Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy, female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous! " The captain responds, "Patricia, I've told you this before. This is Air Force One..."
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has 62.61 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: air force, airplane, couple, insulting, political
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother said, "Well, maybe that's something you could ask the stewardess." So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."
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has 62.41 % from 180 votes. More jokes about: airplane, cat, dog, kids, travel
A blonde, a red head, and a brunette were on a plane. The red head takes a bite of an apple doesn't like it she throws it out the window. The brunette takes a bite out of an orange doesn't like it she throws it out the window. The blonde takes a bit of a bomb doesn't like it she throws it out the window. They get out of the plane. They come up to a little boy asks why he is crying! he says "An apple fell on my dog and killed my dog." They keep walking and come up to a little girl and asks why she is crying. She says" An orange fell on my cat and killed my cat." They keep walking. They come up to a blonde laughing her head off. "Why are you laughing so hard?" they said. "When I farted the building blew up!"
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has 62.13 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: airplane, blonde, food, ginger
A huge airplane, full of passengers, had just taken off when a 5 year-old bad behaved boy created havoc with yelling and crying out loud. Despite his mother's efforts, the boy could calm down. The passengers, obviously frustrated, gossip about it and some mentioned Herod way for salvation, but they still manage to get through the torture by staying calm and noble. The boy though, had no plans on ease up with his attitude. In fact, he gets worse. Starts screaming, swearing and spitting all around the plane. People got desperate. Suddenly, an old man stands up and walks towards to the little boy with a slow but majestic walk. He was wearing an air force general costume with badges and medals all over his suit jacket. He nudges to the mother so she can stop trying all of her hopeless efforts to quite the boy and then, kindly bends over and whispers something to the boy's ear. The child, immediately stops, takes his seat and fastens his seatbelt. The man went back to his seat with the same confidence, while the whole plane admired his achievement. "Excuse me Mr. General, but what did you say to that child and made him quite?" a lady wondered. "I showed him my medals, ma'am, and told him that I've won them on the battlefield and that those medals give me the right to through a passenger off the plane on any flight I feel like, only once a year and then I mentioned that this year... I haven't picked one yet..."
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has 62.04 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: age, airplane, kids, old people
Yo momma so fat that when she was seated in the last row, the plane couldn't get off the ground.
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: airplane, fat, travel, Yo mama
Q: Why did the students study in the airplane? A: Because they wanted higher grades.
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: airplane, student
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The mother said, "Well, maybe that’s something you could ask the stewardess." So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: airplane, animal, dog, kids, travel
Me: "Here comes the airplane!" Baby: Opens mouth. Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
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has 59.50 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: airplane, baby, black humor
Q: Who was the first cat to fly in an airplane? A: Kitty-hawk
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has 58.98 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: airplane, cat, kitty