The best alcohol jokes

Three guys were standing at the top of the Empire State Building in NYC. The first guy says to the second, "You know, the wind currents are so strong here in NYC that one could step off the edge of the building and literally float in mid-air due to the upward thrust of the thermal air current." "No way, man, you’re crazy," said the second guy to the first. So the first guy steps off the edge of the building and justs floats in mid-air for about 20 seconds and then returns to the roof of the building. The second guy is simply thrilled and says, "watch me do that" as he steps from the edge roof into the open air. Of course he falls like a stone straight down all the way to the waiting pavement below–SPLAT! The third guy, who has remained quiet the entire time, leans over to the first guy and say, "You know something Superman, sometimes you can be a real a*shole!"
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has 27.32 % from 5 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Q: What is a man's idea of a balanced diet A: A Budweiser in each hand!
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has 27.24 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, beer
Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol? A: Tequila Mockingbird
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, school
A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face. "Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside. He tried to stand up again but fell face first into the mud. "Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home." The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep. "You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said. "Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?" "You left your wheelchair at the bar again."
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" "Ach," says the Irish man, "it's drivin' me nuts!"
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home." The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man. The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A drunk staggers in a Catholic church late one night and collapses in the confessional. Next morning he’s awoken by the sound of the priest entering the cubicle next to him. The priest addresses him through the grille. ‘Good morning, my son. What can I do for you?’ ‘You got here just in time,’ replies the drunk. ‘Could you pass over some toilet paper?’
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here'.
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has 26.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Sign over a pub bar: ‘Due to the recent water shortage, beer will now be served at full strength.’
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has 26.16 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
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