The best alcohol jokes

It’s night and a drunk is crawling along the pavement looking for something. A passer-by offers to help and asks what’s missing. The drunk replies that he’s lost his watch. ‘And where abouts did you lose it?’ asks the passer-by. ‘About half a mile up the road,’ replies the drunk. ‘So why are you doing down here?’ asks the passer-by. The drunk replies, ‘Down here the lighting is better.’
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has 27.32 % from 5 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Why has Guinness got a white head on it? So when you’re drunk you know which end to start on.
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has 27.32 % from 5 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
He drank so much beer that when he ate a peanut you could hear the splash.
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has 27.32 % from 5 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
What would you call a drunk who works at an upholstery shop? A recovering alcoholic.
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has 27.32 % from 5 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Three guys were standing at the top of the Empire State Building in NYC. The first guy says to the second, "You know, the wind currents are so strong here in NYC that one could step off the edge of the building and literally float in mid-air due to the upward thrust of the thermal air current." "No way, man, you’re crazy," said the second guy to the first. So the first guy steps off the edge of the building and justs floats in mid-air for about 20 seconds and then returns to the roof of the building. The second guy is simply thrilled and says, "watch me do that" as he steps from the edge roof into the open air. Of course he falls like a stone straight down all the way to the waiting pavement below–SPLAT! The third guy, who has remained quiet the entire time, leans over to the first guy and say, "You know something Superman, sometimes you can be a real a*shole!"
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has 27.32 % from 5 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Q: What is a man's idea of a balanced diet A: A Budweiser in each hand!
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has 27.24 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, beer
A bloke walks into a pub and sees Van Gogh standing at the bar. ‘Hi Van, can I get you a drink?’ ‘No, thanks, I got one ear.’
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has 27.24 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A ham sandwich walked into a bar and the bartender said: "We don't sell to ham sandwiches." But the sandwich replied: "That's okay, I only want a beer."
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has 27.24 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bartender, beer, food
Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol? A: Tequila Mockingbird
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, school
A female alcoholic walks into a bar that has a sign marked: "For Men Only." "I'm sorry, ma'am," says the bartender. "We only serve men in this place." "That's OK, "she says, "I'll take one of them."
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar
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