The best alcohol jokes

Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
Vote: has 23.34 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, drug, life, music
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!" "Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat." "What fer?", asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?" "No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."
Vote: has 23.03 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, cop, driving, drunk, redneck
Did you hear about the man who drank 5 gallons of tea? He drowned in his teepee!
Vote: has 23.03 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, disgusting
Q. How many night club bouncers does it take to throw someone down the stairs? A. None! He fell.
Vote: has 22.70 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
This guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender to line up 10 glasses and start filling them up with beer. So the bartender starts filling the glasses up with beer, and the man is right behind him drinking them straight down. The bartender says, "hay buddy what's your hurry?" The man replies, "if you had what I have you would do the same thing." The bartender backs up and says, "what do you have?" The man anwers, "about 75 cents!"
Vote: has 22.36 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
A drunk falls into one of the fountains in Trafalgar Square. Floundering around, he looks up and sees Nelson standing on his column. ‘Don’t jump!’ he shouts. ‘This is the shallow end!’
Vote: has 22.18 % from 6 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
He drank like a fish. Which would have been okay if he’d drunk what the fish drinks.
Vote: has 22.18 % from 6 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
Two drunks are walking down the street when they come across a dog, sitting on the kerb, licking its privates. They watch for a while before one of them says, ‘I sure wish I could do that!’ The other looks at him and says, ‘Wouldn’t you like to make friends with him first?’‘
Vote: has 22.18 % from 6 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
Vote: has 22.04 % from 12 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer
Yo mama's so fat, when she farted pluto's ice caps melted.
Vote: has 22.04 % from 12 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol


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