The best alcohol jokes

Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? A: Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
Vote: has 24.15 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, football
A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?" The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking. "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have." The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?" The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."
Vote: has 24.15 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, money
Did you hear about the man who drank 5 gallons of tea? He drowned in his teepee!
Vote: has 23.03 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, disgusting
This guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender to line up 10 glasses and start filling them up with beer. So the bartender starts filling the glasses up with beer, and the man is right behind him drinking them straight down. The bartender says, "hay buddy what's your hurry?" The man replies, "if you had what I have you would do the same thing." The bartender backs up and says, "what do you have?" The man anwers, "about 75 cents!"
Vote: has 22.36 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!" "Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat." "What fer?", asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?" "No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."
Vote: has 22.34 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, cop, driving, drunk, redneck
A drunk falls into one of the fountains in Trafalgar Square. Floundering around, he looks up and sees Nelson standing on his column. ‘Don’t jump!’ he shouts. ‘This is the shallow end!’
Vote: has 22.18 % from 6 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
Two drunks are walking down the street when they come across a dog, sitting on the kerb, licking its privates. They watch for a while before one of them says, ‘I sure wish I could do that!’ The other looks at him and says, ‘Wouldn’t you like to make friends with him first?’‘
Vote: has 22.18 % from 6 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
Vote: has 22.04 % from 12 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer
Yo mama's so fat, when she farted pluto's ice caps melted.
Vote: has 22.04 % from 12 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club. "You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.
Vote: has 21.85 % from 9 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bartender, beer, golf


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