The best alcohol jokes

He doesn’t drink anything stronger than pop. Mind you Pop will drink anything.
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
He drank like a fish. Which would have been okay if he’d drunk what the fish drinks.
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
He’s such an alcoholic, when pink elephants get drunk, they see him.
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
What’s the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic? A drunk goes to work.
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Why did the idiot put starch in his whisky? needed a stiff drink.
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
There were these two guys in a bar, which was on the 20th floor of a building. The first man said " I bet you $100 I can jump out that window and come straight back in!" The second man says "Ok, sure." and the barman holds the bet. The first man jumps out the window and disappears for a second before jumping straight back in. Disappointed about losing the $100, the second man says: " I'll bet you another $100 you can't do it again." So the barman holds the bet. Sure enough, the first man jumps out the window, disappears for a second, then jumps straight back in. Thinking he must have caught a freak gust of wind, the second man says "Ok, I bet you $300 I can jump out the window and come straight back in." The first man says" Ok, sure." The second man jumps out the window and falls to the footpath below. He is dead. Back up in the bar, the barman says to the first man " Gee, you can be a bastard when you're pissed, Superman."
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has 24.28 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, celebrity, drunk
Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here'.
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has 24.28 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. "Hey, nice tie!" comes out of nowhere. He looks up at the bartender to see if he had said anything, but since he was on the other side of the bar the man just ignores it. "Hey! Nice shirt!" The man looks up but, again, the bartender is engaged elsewhere. "Hey! Nice suit!" The man then calls the bartender over and asks him if he keeps talking to him. "It's not me, it's the complimentary peanuts."
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has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!' The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'
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has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender
A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer." The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars." The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender. "Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that." The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. "What's going on here?" the man asks. Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."
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has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beer, money
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