The best alcohol jokes

Dick goes into a rough bar and orders a drink. A man sidles up to him and says, ‘I can see you’re a stranger in here.’ ‘Why, yes,’ says Dick. ‘How could you tell?’ The man replies, ‘You’ve taken your hand off your glass.’
Vote:
has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
He doesn’t drink anything stronger than pop. Mind you Pop will drink anything.
Vote:
has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
He drank like a fish. Which would have been okay if he’d drunk what the fish drinks.
Vote:
has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
He’s such an alcoholic, when pink elephants get drunk, they see him.
Vote:
has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Why did the idiot put starch in his whisky? needed a stiff drink.
Vote:
has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here'.
Vote:
has 24.28 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home." The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man. The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"
Vote:
has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, car, drunk
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. "Hey, nice tie!" comes out of nowhere. He looks up at the bartender to see if he had said anything, but since he was on the other side of the bar the man just ignores it. "Hey! Nice shirt!" The man looks up but, again, the bartender is engaged elsewhere. "Hey! Nice suit!" The man then calls the bartender over and asks him if he keeps talking to him. "It's not me, it's the complimentary peanuts."
Vote:
has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!' The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'
Vote:
has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender
A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer." The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars." The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender. "Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that." The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. "What's going on here?" the man asks. Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."
Vote:
has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beer, money
<<<54555657
More jokes →
Page 54 of 58.