Two drunks are walking down the street when they come across a dog, sitting on the kerb, licking its privates.
They watch for a while before one of them says, ‘I sure wish I could do that!’
The other looks at him and says, ‘Wouldn’t you like to make friends with him first?’‘
Q: What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?
A: A Budweiser in each hand!
Yo mama's so fat, when she farted pluto's ice caps melted.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.
After a few more he needs to go to the can.
He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!".
After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.
After a few more he needs to go to the can.
He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying,
"I spat in this beer, do not drink!".
After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
A: Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Benjamin Franklin.
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as quickly as he can.
The bartender asks, "my goodness, why are you drinking so fast?'
The guy replies, "You would be drinking just as fast if you had what I have."
The bartender looks at him curiously and says, "What do you have?"
The guy responds, "Only one Dollar."
Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan?
A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!