The best alcohol jokes

Two men were sitting at the top floor of the Empire State Building. One man says to the other.. "You know, if you jump out the window here, the force of the wind will blow you back in through the window on the 90th floor.." The other man says "fuck off, you're jokin aren't u?" The 1st man says "No, here.. I'll prove it" so he stands on the window ledge and jumps out.. and comes back in thru the 90th floor window.. The 2nd man says.. "That was just a one off" So he does it again.. and comes thru on the 90th floor.. runs back up and says "See, im telling the truth" The 2nd man says "Wow, im gonna do it then" he stands on the window ledge, jumps out and falls to his death. The barman says to the first man.. "You know, you're a cunt when you're drunk superman.
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has 20.26 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, celebrity, drunk
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Benjamin Franklin.
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has 20.26 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?" The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking. "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have." The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have, pal?" The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."
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has 19.53 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Q: What is a man's idea of a balanced diet? A: A Budweiser in each hand!
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has 19.47 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, beer, food
Q: How many men does it take to open a Budweiser bottle? A: none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
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has 19.47 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as quickly as he can. The bartender asks, "my goodness, why are you drinking so fast?' The guy replies, "You would be drinking just as fast if you had what I have." The bartender looks at him curiously and says, "What do you have?" The guy responds, "Only one Dollar."
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has 19.47 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, money
Q: What do you call 24 sorority girls walking down the street? A: A case of Schlitz.
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has 19.47 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
I may be a cold hearted and a unloving bitch, but I'm damn good at it How am I driving? Call 1800-KISS-MY-ASS I'm not an alcholic Alcoholics go to meetings I am a drunk NO FAT CHICKS! Dont laugh at my ride, your daughter may be in it! Horn broke watch for finger I'm not pshycotic, I cant read your mind. Keep staring I might do a trick. Chicks dig my ride. I found Jesus... he was behind the coach the whole time. I didn't sell my soal to satan...... but we did work out a rent to own deal. Dyslexic satan worshipers think they're worshipping Santa. I haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister. Everyone has the right to be stupid but you abuse the privlige. I smile because I have no Idea whats going on. Guys: just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one. STOP FOLLOWING ME, I don't know where I'm going.
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has 19.07 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, god, stupid
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.
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has 19.07 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police. The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?" "Why?" snorts the man. "Is there a fat bird in my car?"
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has 19.01 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bird, cop, dirty, fat
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