The best alcohol jokes

A drunk falls into one of the fountains in Trafalgar Square. Floundering around, he looks up and sees Nelson standing on his column. ‘Don’t jump!’ he shouts. ‘This is the shallow end!’
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has 22.18 % from 6 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Two drunks are walking down the street when they come across a dog, sitting on the kerb, licking its privates. They watch for a while before one of them says, ‘I sure wish I could do that!’ The other looks at him and says, ‘Wouldn’t you like to make friends with him first?’‘
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has 22.18 % from 6 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A man enters the bar and orders a double martini. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night long but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.” The customer replies, “I’m peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it’s time to go home.”
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has 22.04 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, wife
Yo mama's so fat, when she farted pluto's ice caps melted.
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has 22.04 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Q: Why doesn't Simon Cowell drink whiskey? A: Because it makes him mean!
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has 21.85 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Did you hear about the man who drank 5 gallons of tea? He drowned in his teepee!
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has 20.88 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, disgusting
Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
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has 20.28 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drug, life, music
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Benjamin Franklin.
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has 20.26 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as quickly as he can. The bartender asks, "my goodness, why are you drinking so fast?' The guy replies, "You would be drinking just as fast if you had what I have." The bartender looks at him curiously and says, "What do you have?" The guy responds, "Only one Dollar."
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has 19.47 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, money
Q: What do you call 24 sorority girls walking down the street? A: A case of Schlitz.
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has 19.47 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
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