The best alcohol jokes

Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
Vote:
has 21.59 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drug, life, music
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Benjamin Franklin.
Vote:
has 20.26 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
Vote:
has 19.95 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, celebrity, drug, music
A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?" The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking. "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have." The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have, pal?" The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."
Vote:
has 19.53 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police. The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?" "Why?" snorts the man. "Is there a fat bird in my car?"
Vote:
has 19.47 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bird, cop, dirty, fat
Q: What is a man's idea of a balanced diet? A: A Budweiser in each hand!
Vote:
has 19.47 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, beer, food
Q: How many men does it take to open a Budweiser bottle? A: none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
Vote:
has 19.47 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as quickly as he can. The bartender asks, "my goodness, why are you drinking so fast?' The guy replies, "You would be drinking just as fast if you had what I have." The bartender looks at him curiously and says, "What do you have?" The guy responds, "Only one Dollar."
Vote:
has 19.47 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, money
Q: What do you call 24 sorority girls walking down the street? A: A case of Schlitz.
Vote:
has 19.47 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Two men were sitting at the top floor of the Empire State Building. One man says to the other.. "You know, if you jump out the window here, the force of the wind will blow you back in through the window on the 90th floor.." The other man says "fuck off, you're jokin aren't u?" The 1st man says "No, here.. I'll prove it" so he stands on the window ledge and jumps out.. and comes back in thru the 90th floor window.. The 2nd man says.. "That was just a one off" So he does it again.. and comes thru on the 90th floor.. runs back up and says "See, im telling the truth" The 2nd man says "Wow, im gonna do it then" he stands on the window ledge, jumps out and falls to his death. The barman says to the first man.. "You know, you're a cunt when you're drunk superman.
Vote:
has 19.23 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, celebrity, drunk
<<<575859
More jokes →
Page 57 of 59.