A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.
The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"
The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles."
The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served.
Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.
"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."
The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have, pal?"
The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."
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After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
Corona's president sits down and says, "Señor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona."
The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
Then Budweiser's president says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser."
The bartender gives him one.
Coors' president says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, the only one made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors."
He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke."
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?"
and the Guinness president replies, "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."
Three women sitting in a bar having a drink.
Their boyfriends are all named Georgie.
One day they decide to name their boyfriends after softdrinks to tell the difference between them.
The first one says "I'll name mine 7-up because he's seven inches and always up."
The second one says "I'll name mine MOUNTAIN DEW because he likes to mount and do me."
And the third one says "I'll name mine Jack Daniels."
The others say "Hey!
That's not a softdrink that's a hard licker!".
She says "That's My Georgie!!"
Drinking a non-alcoholic beer is like muffing your sister, it tastes the same but something's not right about it.
George meets a genie in the street, which tells him to make a wish and it will make it true.
"I want to pee whiskey," he says.
“But are you sure? You can ask for money, wealth, anything you want."
"No I want to pee whiskey."
The genie thinks what can it do, it makes his wish true.
George goes home, calls his wife, Sue: "Woman, get nuts and two glasses."
Curious she was, she brings them.
"What do you want them? She asks him. Once we don’t have any drinks."
From now on, we will both have as much whiskey as we want, says to her.
And really he fills the two glasses with whiskey.
They clink, drink one, drink two drinks, make some fun … and play a little game.
The other night the same happen.
"Woman, bring two glasses and nuts."
So they spend their evenings.
One night, however, the scene changed.
"Woman, bring nuts and a cup."
"A, for one?"
"You will drink from the bottle today."
This guy walks into a bar and sits down on a stool and places a bottle of prescribe medication on the bar, the man sitting next to him says, "What is that?"
The guy says, "These are smart pills," you take one and it makes you smarter.
The half drunk man says, "Your joking aren't you? and the guy says, "No I am not."
So the drunk says to the bar tender, "Give a large glass of beer."
The drunk opens the bottle and takes a pill and washes it down.
A few minutes later the drunk says, "I don't feel smarter." and the guy says, "Well some people require more than one pill."
So the drunk takes another pill and washes it down and few minutes later he says, "I still don't feel any smarter.
So the drunk says, "Hey,let me see those pills," the drunk takes a pill and smells it and says," it smells like shit and he tastes it and says, "It tastes like shit."
The guy says, "See! your getting smartes allready."
John Smith lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan.
He had to take the ferryboat home every night.
One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern.
Before long he was feeling no pain.
When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock.
Smith, afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat.
"How did you like that jump, buddy?" said a proud John to a deck hand.
"It was great," said the sailor.
"But why didn't you wait?
We were just pulling in!"
A man goes to a bar says, "Barman drinks on me to you the owner and everybody else in here!"
Comes the end of the night the man say...sorry man it seems i forgot my wallet.
The barman kicks him in the guts and throws him out.
The next day the man comes again, "Barman drinks on me to you the owner and everybody else in here!"
Comes the end of the night the man say...sorry man i don't have any money on me.
The barman hits him in the face with bar stool brakes his leg and throws him out.
The following day the man comes to the bar again, "Barman drinks on me for the owner and everybody else in here!"
Barman says, "What am not getting a free drink tonight?"
"Sorry man but you get violent when you drink."
A blind man and his dog walks into a bar and the blind man starts swinging hid dog around the barman says, "What are you doing?"
A blind man replies, "Nothing I'm just looking around!
A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
The barman refuses to serve him.
"Why not," asks the golf club.
"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.